THE PORCINE ODDYSSEY #81: PACKERS @ DOLPHINS, FEST EDITION

 

PiggyDolphinHat

 

The Flying Pig:  Humans, there has been much debate lately on the circumstances regarding Derrick Shelby’s suspension.  Being that its Fest Week I don’t have time for such trivial things, since I am preparing to get my drink on.  But I do have personal knowledge of how the decision was made.  As a member of the Dolphins punishment board, I really should not share this with you…but what the Oink…just remember, everything you are about to read really happened.  There are no fabrications of any kind in this Oddyssey.   read the below email chain – Its Shocking!

 

To:  Piggy Bacon

From: Coach Phil Joseph

Sent: Sunday, October 5, 2014, 8:54 A.M.

Subject: Shelby

 

Piggy, we have an problem and we need to decide the appropriate punishment 

 

To:  Coach Phil Joseph

From: Piggy Bacon

Sent: Sunday, October 5, 2014, 9:10 A.M.

Subject: Re: Shelby

 

Shut Up!  You are so loud!  I’m still hungover from last night!

 

To:  Piggy Bacon

From: Coach Phil Joseph

Sent: Sunday, October 5, 2014, 10:00 A.M.

Subject: Re: Re: Shelby

 

Okay, Piggy, I assume you had your coffee by now.  Last night shelby got into some trouble and we have to decide what to do

 

To:  Coach Phil Joseph

From: Piggy Bacon

Sent: Sunday, October 5, 2014, 10:12 A.M.

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Shelby

 

983esdjfsdkljkropiu48q4oopewak!  Fuckface!!!!!

 

Shelby

To:  Piggy Bacon

From: Coach Phil Joseph

Sent: Sunday, October 5, 2014, 12:03 P.M.

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re:  Shelby

 

I guess you are still hungover…You can’t sleep all day.  How much did you drink last night?

 

To:  Coach Phil Joseph

From: Piggy Bacon

CC: Prince of Nigeria

Sent: Sunday, October 5, 2014, 12:14 P.M.

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Shelby

 

In Gallons?  Ask the other board member.  I copied him in this email

 

To:  Prince of Nigeria

From: Coach Phil Joseph

CC:  Piggy Bacon

Sent: Sunday, October 5, 2014, 12:15 P.M.

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:  Shelby

 

Good afternoon.  I was not aware there was another board member other than Piggy and myself.  I am contacting you to discuss the punishment of Derrick Shelby.  The third year defensive lineman was arrested last night.  What are your thoughts on the appropriate punishment?

 

To:  Coach Phil Joseph

From: Prince of Nigeria

CC:  Piggy Bacon

Sent: Sunday, October 5, 2014, 12:16 P.M.

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:  Shelby

 

Dear Respected One, 

 

GREETINGS,

 

Permit me to inform you of my desire of going into business relationship with you. I got your contact from the International web site directory. I prayed over it and selected your name among other names due to it’s esteeming nature and the recommendations given to me as a reputable and trust worthy person I can do business with and by the recommendations I must not hesitate to confide in you for this simple and sincere business. 

 

I am Wumi Abdul; the only Son of late Mr and Mrs George Abdul. My father is the King of Nigeria.  He was poisoned to death by his business associates on one of their outing to discus on a business deal. When my mother died on the 21st October 1984, my father took me and my younger brother HASSAN special because we are motherless. Before the death of my father on 30th June 2002 in a private hospital here in Abidjan. He secretly called me on his bedside and told me that he has a sum of $12.500.000 (Twelve Million, five hundred thousand dollars) left in a suspense account in a local Bank here in Abidjan, that he used my name as his first son for the next of kin in deposit of the fund. 

 

Sir, we are honorably seeking your assistance in the following ways.

 

1) To provide a Bank account where this money would be transferred to.

 

2) To serve as the guardian of this since I am a boy of 17 years.

 

Moreover Sir, we are willing to offer you 15% of the sum as compensation for effort input after the successful transfer of this fund to your designate account overseas. please feel free to contact ,me via this email address 

 

Your immediate assistance is necessary in this matter!

 

NigerianPrince

 

To:  Piggy Bacon

From: Coach Phil Joseph

Sent: Sunday, October 5, 2014, 12:30 P.M.

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:  Shelby

 

Piggy that was a fake account!  Now I’m going to get spam for months!  Come on man, let’s get this Shelby thing settled.

 

To:  Coach Phil Joseph

From: Piggy Bacon

Sent: Sunday, October 5, 2014, 12:36 P.M.

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Shelby

 

That is not a nice way to talk about some one that needs your immediate assistance.  A Prince no less!  

 

Was Shelby wearing pants?

 

To:  Piggy Bacon

From: Coach Phil Joseph

Sent: Sunday, October 5, 2014, 12:37 P.M.

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:  Shelby

 

Pants?  I don’t know.  I assume he was.  What difference does that make???  Look he was drunk.  Got kicked out of some club in Ft. Lauderdale and would’t leave.  The police were called and they ended up tazing him.

 

To:  Coach Phil Joseph

From: Piggy Bacon

Sent: Sunday, October 5, 2014, 12:38 P.M.

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Shelby

 

That is not good

 

To:  Piggy Bacon

From: Coach Phil Joseph

Sent: Sunday, October 5, 2014, 12:40 P.M.

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Shelby

 

Piggy.  Each member of the Dolphins organization, the players, the coaches, the executives, even the cafeteria staff, we all have a responsibility to this community.  We have to set an example.

 

To:  Coach Phil Joseph

From: Piggy Bacon

Sent: Sunday, October 5, 2014, 12:41 P.M.

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Shelby

 

Agreed.

 

You said he was wearing pants?

 

FYI – The Cafeteria Lady with the mole above her lip always picks her nose…its gross

 

To:  Piggy Bacon

From: Coach Phil Joseph

Sent: Sunday, October 5, 2014, 12:43 P.M.

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:  Shelby

 

What?  Oh Forget it.  Go back to sleep.  Let’s pick this up later. Get some rest.  

 

To:  Coach Phil Joseph

From: Piggy Bacon

Sent: Sunday, October 5, 2014, 6:30 P.M.

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Shelby

 

I can’t get over this pants thing.  Let’s throw the book at him!

 

To:  Piggy Bacon

From: Coach Phil Joseph

Sent: Sunday, October 5, 2014, 6:35 P.M.

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:  Shelby

 

Forget about whether he was wearing pants or not Piggy!  This is a serious issue!

 

NoPants

 

 

To:  Coach Phil Joseph

From: Piggy Bacon

Sent: Sunday, October 5, 2014, 6:36 P.M.

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Shelby

 

Are you wearing pants right now?

 

I’m really disappointed in you coach.

 

To:  Piggy Bacon

From: Coach Phil Joseph

Sent: Sunday, October 5, 2014, 6:40 P.M.

Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re:  Shelby

 

Just shut up.  

We will just suspend him indefinitely and figure it out later.

 

Dolphins 31 Packers 30

 

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Because people have been misled here and for clarification — David has NOT been banned both his accounts are open:

 

Pic has been removed enough of you saw proof of bogus rumors.  Have a nice day.

 

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