What Make Hulk Angry?
By Dr. Bruce Banner
So Hulk go meet Super Friends at Halls of Justice otherwise known as Slattery’s in New York City. Hulk and Super Friends watch Dolphins take 10-0 lead over Baltimore Ravens and Dolphins playing at home. Ravens lost at home to Chargers who couldn’t even score a point against Dolphins. So Hulk start to think maybe our team’s December woes are now thing of the past. But then Hulk remembers that Dolphins only capable of playing 30 minutes of good football, not 60. The pod people show up, this time in second half and not 1st half like usual. Now Hulk very angry once again. This is what make Hulk angry this week:
Testicular fortitude vs. that queasy feeling. Coach Harbaugh have nuts of steel. 4th and 1 at your 30 yard line on the road with playoffs on line and he no flinch. He man’s up and goes for it converting crucial 1st down on go ahead drive. In comparison, coach Philbin have 4th and 1 at Ravens’ 29 yard line, at home and with playoffs on the line but coach Philbin must have gotten that queasy feeling again. Instead he fist pumps his way to a field goal. Hulk tell Super Friends when it happen that it was a mistake. Coach Philbin must have put his nuts in a jar and left them in Green Bay. We need a coach who not feel queasy when calling a forward pass against a depleted secondary. A coach that has the nuts to go for it and 4th and 1. A coach that is man enough to show his anger when stupid refs make bad call reversing fumble. We need a coach with testicular fortitude.
Hulk also angry at the visually impaired. No Hulk not angry at the blind. Hulk angry at the stupid refs who can’t see where the line of scrimmage is and keep calling ineligible man downfield when they not downfield. Hulk no understand why ref can’t figure where line of scrimmage is. Hulk angry that stupid league rules no allow coach to challenge bad calls like that. Hulk also angry that stupid ref can’t see ball come out of Joe Flacco’s hand because Cam Wake hit it out before arm came forward. Hulk think even at minimum the video not conclusive to overturn ruling on field but apparently ref now see something that no one else can. Hulk think ref need eye exam.
Hulk also upset that team forgot how to run ball. Team run ball good in first half. 13 runs vs. 16 pass attempts. Hulk like that balance but in second half team no run ball. Instead coach Lazor go back to dink and dunk passing attack. Hulk think we run ball 3 times in second half. Why coach Lazor no run ball more and then use play action to throw ball down field? Especially considering we were running ball good in 1st half. Does coach Lazor lack nuts too? Is lacking nuts contagious?
Now Hulk all angry. Another season and no playoffs again. Hulk left to think what could have been if coaching staff had nuts and refs had eye exam. Hulk could go on and talk about Brandon Gibson dropping ball, Dallas Thomas doing turnstile impersonation and defense doing bull fighter impersonation when trying to tackle running back. However, it no help. Hulk be watching another team in playoffs yet again and that make Hulk go nuts.