The Porcine Oddyssey #92: A Squiggly Tail of Pork and Katanas

The Porcine Oddyssey #92: A Squiggly Tail of Pork and Katanas 


Those that know pork, know that the draft is a time for the Samurai to rise.  The Samurai are noble warriors with the duty to protect our Dolphins from the cheaters from the Northern Lands.  They are the wide receivers of the NFL draft.

For many seasons now, the dubious snakes from Foxboro have resorted to loathsome acts of deceit to take what is rightfully ours.

pigSamurai1Despite their blatant acts of thievery, the snakes have slithered their way to numerous trophies.  Their poison runs deep in the blood of ESPN and NFL Network.  While the thieves are praised and their dubious acts ignored, we have been unable to escape their bite

And for many seasons, our Dolphins have failed to bring in Samurai.



Is 2015 the year?  The Oinks may have it that way.  As you walked this morning, did you feel the ground rumble below your trotters? As the wind blew past your snout did you smell the katana?

I did!


Brandon Gibson and Brian Hartline were speared by a naginata in February.  Mike Wallace was soon cut down as well.  It is true that the Dolphins brought in two warriors named Stills and Jennings. But the Katana cuts deep and we need to strike these thieves in the heart!

There are Seven Samurai


The Earth quakes below the feet of Jaelen Strong.  When Strong steps on the field the thieves will bleed tears from their eyes.  

Yes, Patriots – you are shaking, its not just the ground below your feet.  Its fear!  The Samurai are here!


Breshad Perriman, on the other hand, will strike at your heart like a bolt of lightning.  This speedy receiver will take every touchdown you steal back, before you can blink.

You might steal a TD or 2, but Perriman will take twice as he laughs at you.

Alabama v Auburn

Amari Cooper is the master swordsman of the Samurai.  His sword moves like a tornado, slicing the defensive backs in to pieces.

Before the Belicheat can finish his mumble about the loss of Revis, the defensive backs have been sliced to pieces by the tornado.

s1funchess-9The largest Samurai is from Michigan.  He goes by the name of Devin Funchness.  Is he a mountain or a volcano???

Go ahead Cheatriots, send your linebackers to climb the mountain.

They will be covered in lava and reduced to ashes as this redzone threat scores again.


Like a deadly Tsunami covering an entire kingdom, DeVante Parker’s wingspan covers the entire field sideline to sideline.

The thieves will look at Biscayne Bay and see a tidal wave rising and rushing at them.  Do not reach for your floaties Tom Brady, you cannot keep your nose above this wave!

NCAA Football: Arizona State at Missouri

Dorial Green-Beckham will make the thieves freeze in their steps like a blizzard.  This tall, speedy deep threat cannot be stopped by anything the cheating Belicheat cooks up to stop him.

Beware Patriots, winter is coming.  You will not be saved by  a snow plow this time!


Just when you think you are safe under the stars above Kevin White rains down on you like a meteor shower.  BOOM!  CRASH!  Kevin White cannot be stopped.  Just give up now Cheatriots.

Or don’t – wait until Kevin White’s katana cuts you in two!

The Seven Samurai are here!

AngryPiggy copy


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378 Responses to The Porcine Oddyssey #92: A Squiggly Tail of Pork and Katanas

  1. Mike E. says:


    It’s not only about his character, it’s that he doesn’t have a lot of experience, and he also played in that Mizzou offense, and we had another big fast guy that was productive in that offense, but couldn’t do squat in the NFL. I’m leery.

    • getterdone says:

      Good point. no more Mizzou receivers, no more Oregon DE’s, & no more KState running backs. 😉

      • D says:

        No USC WR’s ….seriously though, impossible to compare him to Egnew, .. I can without doubt say DGB is not Eggs….

    • Tim Knight says:

      I don’t think we have to worry about it because If we did pick him it wouldn’t be until the 4th rd if he slides and even than I don’t think so.

    • D says:

      Leery is why you dont take him in the first, im actually kinda there with Gurley as well, and Peters and a few other players. @nd round is a good place to take guys with huge upside but leave you with a leery feeling. Now if that leery feeling is more a vote of no confidence, thats stronger that beeing leery and it just makes that player not worth it. If Gurley is a red-shirt prospect, no way i take him in the first…0, if he is questionable even after that, kinda how Lattimore was, id be thinking more 4thish.

  2. Al in MIA says:

    Going back to the Something about Mary scene earlier, I was thinking of these lines when Convict talked about Chile….
    [Norm]: I mean, I’m a fucking fraud.
    I’m no architect. Don’t be a putz, man.
    Who’s been to Santiago, Chile, twice in one year?
    I’ve never even been in Jersey!
    OK, OK. Just take it easy.

  3. Al in MIA says:

    Love when some analyst goes “Great or Zero”…That’s every prospect LOL

    • Al in MIA says:

      Makes no sense either for DGB as his issues aren’t on the field. He will produce when he’s on there like Pacman Jones did when he wasn’t out shooting up the club.

      • Tim Knight says:

        Despite everywhere I read his routes are horrible and doesn’t use his strength the way you think he should?

        We’ve seen big, fast come through the NFL doors before and not do a thing.

  4. BoulderPhinfan says:

    I hate it when the gm’s say we want to draft a player that loves football.

    Which player goes through the draft process and says “I really hate playing football, please draft me”

    • Tim Knight says:

      Hickey was asked about it at the presser. They find that stuff out through the grape vine and on tape. Does a player play the same way when he’s up 37-0 as he does when he’s down 37-0.

    • D says:

      I mean i guess if you just take everything they say without much other thought put into it, but sometimes a lot about what they say about other things actually tells the real story. They arent asking dumbass questions, they are strategic and tell them a lot about a person personal makeup and how it applies to their profession. Also it shows on film, how hard did they play every down, including the ones away from them. How hard did they play ST’s, how much did you see them out the pumping up their teammates, what leadership roles did they take on.

  5. Al in MIA says:

    Fair points on DGB but people rating his ability aren’t knocking those skills but rather his ability to be available (off the field concerns, causing problems with coaches, teammate issues, etc).

  6. Al in MIA says:

    Mike E,
    Egnew never lined up against quality CB on a regular basis as DGB did.

  7. Al in MIA says:

    I like DGB but I really don’t see him as a system fit for what Miami wants to run.

  8. BoulderPhinfan says:

    That’s surprising. Why?

    “Washington picks up 2016 option on Robert Griffin III’s contract”

  9. Tim Knight says:

    GD, I would be shocked if we drafted DGB in the 1st and then I would root for him and hope for the best. LOL

  10. BoulderPhinfan says:

    I guess this is the question that’s coming up regarding Dion Jordan. There is a lot of talk that he doesn’t like to play football. I’m sure the phins did their due diligence before they drafted him regarding his desire to play football.

    My point is people change. Maybe a player had football as the most important thing in they’re life during the draft process then shit happens.

  11. Al in MIA says:

    Everyone’s skills are being knocked under your criteria lol. I can find people talking crap about every single prospect. Every reputable scouting service out there has DGB as a top 20 player on skills/production alone. This whole “wild card” comment on DGB from Cosell was based on DGB off the field problems…Here’s the quote from Cosell:

    “If Green-Beckham was clean off the field he’d be a top 10 or top 12 pick. “

    • D says:

      I can tell you when he was at Mizzou, prior to his suspension i had him on my list of dolphin hopefuls for future drafts. Only reason im of different mindset is he did do something that does bring into question his maturity, and though this draft process if i were able to ease my mind about that id be confidant enough to draft him wherever i saw fit. I personally have confidence he should be given another chance but ot confident enough to pick him in the first, therefore to me 2nd round if we dont have a better selection lined up.

    • getterdone says:

      That’s why I got a man crush on him early on. I know he’s not an ideal scheme fit, off field issues, missed a year, etc.
      But man, when you watch his film, teams find it hard to contain him. Especially in the dare I say it, yes, the end zone. 🙂

  12. Al in MIA says:

    Omar Kelly ‏@OmarKelly 13m13 minutes ago

    #Marlins cut Saltalamacchia, on hook for remaining $14.2 million on contract
    Wow, lol.

  13. Tim Knight says:

    Boulder, I’m not totally sure but for some reason I thought South Beach wasn’t Dion Jordan’s scene.

  14. D says:

    BoulderPhinfan says:
    April 27, 2015 at 4:47 pm
    That’s surprising. Why?

    “Washington picks up 2016 option on Robert Griffin III’s contract”
    I dont guess it hurts anything one way or the other. He turns it around they keep it and work on a re-negotiation, he doesn’t they cut him. Doesn’t hurt their chances of trading him this year, but could possibly hurt their chances for next.

  15. getterdone says:

    Week Two of offseason conditioning: Jordan still a no-show
    The second week of the Miami Dolphins offseason conditioning program began for the Miami Dolphins in earnest Monday morning.

    Just not for Dion Jordan.

    Jordan, absent from the first week of the voluntary workouts, was absent again today.

    And while today’s absence is only about, well, today, it suggests Jordan likely isn’t going to join the program this week, either.

    The NFL draft is Thursday. Teams will get quite serious in their trade talks this week leading up to Thursday’s first round and carrying through Saturday’s multiple rounds. Do not be surprised if Jordan is traded at some point.

    As I discussed here, trading Jordan is a tough situation for the Dolphins.

    Firstly, no one will likely give much compensation for a player who has had three career sacks, has a history for not being reliable, and is one positive drug test away from a year’s suspension.

    There’s also the salary cap hit a trade would involve.

    It is not good.

    The ironic thing? I’m hearing Jordan has been in town recently. So this is not about staying home and working out with a trusted personal trainer or workout buddy.

    Posted by Armando Salguero 04/27/2015 at 04:34 PM

  16. Tim Knight says:

    The front office has shown they will release or trade players and take cap hits.

  17. BoulderPhinfan says:

    none of us know why he’s not in camp. They are voluntary. Hell he might be in philbin’s dog house because he threw his gum wrapper on the floor or had to pee at the wrong time. 🙂

  18. D says:

    I am beginning to think its not just a trade posibility its pretty much a trade that has already been worked out just not finalized, perhaps both sides waiting for other offers to surface before draft, or for the landscape of the draft to unfold a bit more before pulling the trigger. Likely could be precaution on the receiving teams part to make sure they are still getting undamaged goods (well relatively speaking of course). I just get the feeling they wouldnt be holding him out and he wouldn’t be holding out unless there us not just a possibility at play but an almost certainty. Makes way more sense than just holding him out for a what if, because other teams would see him not attending as a sign he might be on the outs and then we lose value on him, this most certainly seems planned with specific intentions.

  19. Mike E. says:


    All I was talking about with DGB was taking him at #14. That was my original comment, with the Great or zero thing. You don’t take that at #14.

    • D says:

      Agreed. Im not argumentative with every reply i promise. I think we dsee eye to eye on it, but i just wanted to add i feel he deserve a look in the second because i feel he seems sincere in his desire to move past his past.

    • Al in MIA says:

      Where is your ‘zero’ comment coming from though? The article Cosell put out? He’s not talking zero from a talent stand point.

      • Al in MIA says:

        You fearing the Mizzou system just because Egnew who was a flex out TE operating in the slot and not WR?
        Imagine applying that logic to Aaron Rogers after Boller flopped in the NFL in the same collegiate system Teford ran at Cal.

      • Mike E. says:

        Al – It was part of the commentary on DGB by Lance Zeirlein.

  20. stangerx says:

    One little speed up for Saturday.
    “The NFL has quietly tweaked the rules to reduce the amount of time between picks, allowing only four minutes between selections in the seventh round, as well as four minutes between selections for all compensatory picks. The league informed PFT today that the speeding up of the draft was discussed at the competition committee meetings and communicated to the teams at the league meeting in March. The change was made at the league office level and did not necessitate a vote of the 32 teams.”

  21. Mike E. says:

    LOL – I never said we should never-ever take a Mizzou receiver again. I’d just be careful, and make sure he can do the things we require.

  22. Mike E. says:


    I think it’s an NFC team, either the Eagles, Giants or Falcons (Jordan trade)

  23. getterdone says:

    Some good nature ribbing on the other site…lol

    O Rob says:
    April 27, 2015 at 5:03 pm
    GetterDone Phins says:

    April 27, 2015 at 4:28 pm

    Tannehill has reason to be excited about the upcoming season, considering he has gotten better every year he’s been in the NFL.

    I hear Wal-Mart has a sale on some Tannehill Knee pads, you should hurry before they sell out!

    GetterDone Phins says:
    April 27, 2015 at 5:12 pm
    Thanks, I’ll have to go shopping for them. Are your Freeman knee pads still comfortable or did you wear them out already?

    • stangerx says:

      LOL — but there were no Tanny knee pads available cause of Randy’s big order. Glad to see O Rob’s name…..good heart in that large man.

  24. Al in MIA says:

    Ah Lance Zeirline… a radio analyst :/.

    • jahndoh says:

      That means nothing. Cosell is not on the radio or on TV besides in guest spots. I don’t see your point in this. Regardless of whether it’s on field or off field stuff that presents downside risk, it’s still downside risk and it still affects the amount of draft ammunition a team will be willing to give up for him.

      His downside is not limited to off-field risks either. He’s a very inexperienced and raw route runner. We’ve seen those players fail in the NFL more often than we’ve seen him succeed.

      I like his upside potential, but I’d consider it a foolish risk if we took him in the 1st round. 2nd round and on is a different story.

  25. Brian in NY says:

    finfanrob says:
    April 27, 2015 at 3:50 pm

    what you should do is just post 4 or 5 BOTW’s and answer just one question.

    • stangerx says:

      Wanta get Mike E’s cool insight, but ffr might just have given the schematic for his up and coming weekly pictorial column.

  26. Try Pod says:

    All the best parents do. It was obviously well thought out. You don’t suppose he realizes this kid will (likely) grow up?

  27. BoulderPhinfan says:

    suh didn’t go to a single voluntary camp in detroit. I think he turned out alright.

  28. BoulderPhinfan says:

    I just hope we don’t get hosed on the Jordan trade because philbin has an issue with him.

  29. naplesfan2010 says:

    If I were Hickey, I would trade next year’s round 1 and 4 or whatever for Gurley and then take La’el @14 anyway. Super Bowl NOW!

  30. stangerx says:

    “When the film came out, the owner of my [favorite Italian] restaurant said we’re not allowed in anymore because we apparently denigrated a certain ethnic group in the picture.”

    Martin Scorsese on at least one critic’s reaction to Goodfella’s. Given that we are talking about a NYC spot and 1990… wondering whether that was a message of someone else’s family as well

  31. naplesfan2010 says:

    I saw some awesome tape of Ameer Abdullah. If we can’t get Gurley, I want Abdullah who supposedly is an excellent human being as well as a take it to the house on any play type runner.

  32. Try Pod says:

    What’s really interesting about this is the guy on the radio is talking about Lamar Miller while all this is going on:

  33. The Flying Pig says:

    I’m not sure not going to a voluntary minicamp warrants the “this is the end of Dion Jordan” talk

    I still want to see what he can do playing with Suh

    • Tim Knight says:

      I’d like to see him make his own game and stop relying on others to figure out his mysterious talents. I think it’s getting to the BS point.

      • The Flying Pig says:

        He’s not relying on anyone

        That is just my opinion

        I don’t get why you are so angry at Jordan

  34. naplesfan2010 says:

    Plus I want Kenny Bell or Abdullah to run back we can get some points in the kicking game.

  35. Tim Knight says:

    Naples, your asking a team to give up their #1 this year and have no 1st in your trade scenario. We’d have to give up our 2nd for sure this year and probably a 4th and then next year’s 1st and something else to even get in the ballpark.

    • naplesfan2010 says:

      You lost me bro but there hasn’t been a legit first round RB in a loooonnnngggg time. I think we should be bold and go all in. They are only draft picks. It’s only one year. Where else on the team do we crave a round one if we get a OL this yr AND a superstar RB?

  36. naplesfan2010 says:

    Was Teddy Ginn’s 2 4 1er against the jests the last time we scored on a KO? and Thigpen’s one and only the last PR TD? Too long. We need to scare teams in all 3 phases.

  37. Tim Knight says:

    Piggy, Jordan gets suspended for the first 6 games last year, then checks into rehab and was less impressive looking when he did play then his rookie season. Sorry, I was very disappointed as a fan in him last year.

    Then this year not being a starter he’s not at voluntary workouts already behind Wake and Vernon but they’re there. What’s there to be happy about with him?

    • The Flying Pig says:

      I don’t remember any rehab issues

      Just let it play out

      It is “voluntary” camp

      • Tim Knight says:

        He checked into rehab during his suspension for an unknown substance abuse and people were speculating crack or meth because his Mom or someone else in his family is known to have issues with it.

        So the superstar Jordan can skip the voluntary workouts because he’s already got game and everyone knows it? I don’t get your thinking on this at all, bro. If I was anyone in the org especially the HC or DC I’d be very disappointed that he’s not here working. But that’s just me.

  38. naplesfan2010 says:

    When we had our perfect year, we had 2 1000 yd rushers. I know “the game was different back then,” but then again no, it’s still football. If you are eating up chink yds on offense and stuffing them cold on D, plus getting a few “cheap” scores on the kicking game, you win games and go deep in the playoffs.

  39. olddolphan says:

    Mets and Marlins are 0-0 with New York batting in the top of the 8th at Marlins Park. Both Dillon Gee of the Mets and Jared Cozart of the Fish have been sensational up to now. Best pitched game I’ve seen so far this season!! –Even tho’ it’s super early in the season, this game almost has a playoff game feel to it. It’s SO GOOD I’ve NOT been watching the Lightning/Red Wings playoff game (that’s saying a lot for a native born Canadian)!!

  40. Ken says:

    What’s up FUers? Another busy day in the office and I am just trying to catch up what I missed.

  41. naplesfan2010 says:

    How did the Heat go to 4 straight “Super Bowls”? They went outrageously bold and stacked the roster. They even brought in ancient Ray Allen and golly gee he won them a ring. I am tired of same ol same ol “by the book” “you just don’t do that” formula team building. We are 1-2 players away from a Super Bowl. And a RB and a OG and another shut down CB is the magic key.

  42. Tim Knight says:

    Naples, how do we compensate a team this year to get their 1st and keep ours to land both Gurley and OL Collins?

    • naplesfan2010 says:

      just do it … whatever it takes. Oakland is hungry for picks and they can wait a year since they ain’t goin nowhere this year. We do not need to do anything to keep our 14 and so what does the points formula say we’d need to do to trade? (not up) just trade say with the #10 pick. Hey if we get lucky Gurley falls to us and we can trade with #16 or 17 team to get La’el with even less cost.

  43. Ken says:

    SMH @ Jordan for missing voluntary minicamp. He needs to show he is all in this year. I don’t want to give up on his potential but it seems to me he is not putting the work in to maximize that potential.

  44. Ken says:

    Another great write by Piggy. I love the 7 Samurai.

  45. naplesfan2010 says:

    btw I have a Wannstadt sighting to report.
    I still work a little with FCA even though my sons have left high school (one was president of the club, so yeah I had some extra duties LOL). So anyway I am at the neighborhood HS FCA lunch meeting and the AD walks in with his surprise guest speaker and it’s Dave Wannstadt. He gave a very inspirational very Christian very cool very wise talk about staying true to your principles or getting back to them when you stray like all humans do. He told a funny story about using the F word 137 times in a tirade after a really bad loss and then he went back to the team that night (on the plane? … it was unclear) and apologized for losing his cool and said the team captains told him they knew he was a good man and would get back to himself and they were all just as pissed and blah blah you get the sermon for the kids.
    Anyway it was from the heart and he took nearly 2 hours with the kids for no pay and not a single student there had ever heard of him. So they thought he was just like some old HS coach or something.

    • Ken says:

      He is supposedly a very good man, unfortunately his skills as a head coach were not up to the same caliber.

    • Tim Knight says:

      Wannstedt is a good guy and was mistreated by fans because they accused him of ruining the team that Jimmy Johnson built which wasn’t that good. He wasn’t a bad coach, just not a personnel guy and along with Spielman they made some questionable moves along the way. It is what it is, doesn’t make him a bad person.

  46. The Flying Pig says:


    I didn’t say he can do what he wants

    I just said let it play out

    I’m really tired of playing musician chairs with the latest dolphin pariah

    • Tim Knight says:

      I’m tired of blaming others for his lack of dedication and production. It’s becoming more apparent everyday. It’s on Jordan to become the player his talent suggests he can be, not anyone else. One way to get that going is to be working with Wake and Vernon. But no.

  47. naplesfan2010 says:

    I had forgotten how big Wanny is. He played what OT himself? He is way bigger than me and still hard as steel too. He was very cordial to me and I couldn’t help telling him I am a big fan.

  48. finfanrob says:

    ‘So they thought he was just like some old HS coach or something.’

    wait????? you mean he wasnt just an HS coach

    • naplesfan2010 says:

      LOL he had some good years in Chicago. There was something wrong here with that garbage man owner we had that made Jimmy J try to quit in the middle of the year and Wanny did quit right? and then Satan left after his lies. There were real probs with the owner. I am glad that guy is gone; he bout ruined us … I blame the Wayne for that 1-15 year. (and Cam of course, but he was not a head coach, neither was Sparano, another Huizenga mistake.)

  49. Tim Knight says:

    Naplels, check it out for yourself. I don’t know that it allows you to do trades with next year’s picks but the cost to move up to #4 this year is beyond our 1, 2 and 4 so to do it with next year’s draft, you basically deplete that entire draft to trade up and keep our #14 this year. I don’t see it being feasible.

    • naplesfan2010 says:

      We traded up to 3 with Oaktown for Dion for a lot less than that. Maybe they are wiser/less desperate this year, but maybe not that much. They need a WR but they got Crabs and the class is deep this year. They could take any of about 7 that will be there in the 2nd.

  50. naplesfan2010 says:

    He walks now with a noticeable limp though … looks like a calf is permanently cramped, all veiny like a old guy leg. You guys don’t know what it’s like to get old. I pulled a muscle in my leg in the movie theatre the other day trying to cross my legs in the dark.

  51. Mike E. says:

    Nice win for the Metsies! Comeback win, and big HR for the beleaguered Daniel Murphy, and a very nice play in the 9th inning in the field as well for Mr. Murphy!

  52. Mike E. says:

    LOL @ Naples at the theater!

  53. Tim Knight says:

    Naples, I think we’re not communicating properly. You suggested somehow we get a high pick this year with next year’s picks to get Gurley and still keep our #14 to get OL Collins and go for it all. How do you expect to do that?

    The trade with the Raiders last year with our #12 and #40 still gave them a 1st and a 2nd to get to #3. You’re suggesting giving them what to do that again and keep our #14?

  54. Ken says:

    It’s good to see Tim spitting fire and venom at Dion Jordan. Tim is usually the biggest cheerleader for the players on our roster but Tim is getting the pitchforks and torches ready for Jordan. BTW Tim I will take a torch. I like fire.

    • Tim Knight says:

      Has he not disappointed as a pro thus far? For a #3 pick we traded up to get you’d think he’d be more dedicated. Tannehill was a #8 in 2012 and Suh was Detroits #2 in 2010 and they’re both there. WTF?!!!

      • Ken says:

        He has had some moments where he has flashed that natural talent he has but overall he has been a significant disappointment. Flashing talent can only get you so far. You have to be able to do consistently but in his case he can’t even get himself on the field on a consistent basis. Some of it was injury but the rest of it is on him. Suspension for steroids, rehab for substance abuse. He needs to show he can work is backside off to put that behind him and earn a spot in the DL rotation. Missing voluntary camp is not the end of the world but it’s a bad start for somebody that has a lot to prove.

      • naplesfan2010 says:

        I hope to God he was ORDERED by the lawyers to stay safe as he is a named component in a draft day trade and any little thing could queer the deal. And THERE might be how we get 2 first rounders Tim. I defer to your superior knowledge of draft day trades, sir, but I am tired of being sensible and going what 9-7 next year? whoopee shit.

      • Ken says:

        Hey us lawyers don’t have much to do about draft day trades. That’s the GM’s job.

  55. Ken says:

    While I am not opposed to a draft day trade up I don’t think we need to do a blockbuster to move up. At 14 there will be probably 2-3 players who can immediate impact players on our roster and I suspect Gurley will be on of those there at 14. If he is not then it means another impact player slid down because Gurley went higher than expected. So trade up if the price is right but don’t sell the farm imo.

    • naplesfan2010 says:

      I am sick of the farm bro. I want to go all Disney on it…I want to make the guys in the Big Apple talk about us with respect/hatred … i want playoffs every year, not 8-8s every year. That will take thinking BIG. Marino had the Marks, not one guy, two guys.

      • Ken says:

        The problem is if you trade up big you are going all in for one guy. I am okay if it is the right guy but I think we can get an impact player at 14 without having to trade up and we can still get a productive player at 47 on top of that which is unlikely if we trade up for one guy.

  56. naplesfan2010 says:

    Even with Suh, we need to score 40 half the time to ensure a 12-4 or better season. And we just cannot have ANY 10 point offense games because they are automatic L’s.

    • Ken says:

      I think we need to average about 25 points a game. If we can do that we should be an 11 win team.

      • naplesfan2010 says:

        F 11 wins my friend; that is borderline. Why not average 30 and go 13-3? Suh and Wake and Tannehill can do that; we just need some guys who can run it in from 50.

      • Brian in NY says:

        We averaged close to 25 last year. IMO we need to be closer to 28- 30 this season.

      • Ken says:

        Lets get to the dance first and it will come together. Hell the Giants won SBs with a pair of 9-7 ball clubs.

  57. Tim Knight says:

    Naples, okay I’ll play.

    Let’s say we don’t even trade up that far with OAK but say STL at #10. The value for that based on the draft trade value chart would be a 1, 4, 5 and probably a 6. Not having a 3rd hurts us here because that would do it but we don’t have one. So unless players are involved and who knows that value, we’re giving up our whole draft just to get to #10. That said, we’re talking about keeping our #14 so we’re asking STL to not have a 1st this year. So I can’t even do the math because it would likely be a 2nd, 4th, 5th and a player this year and at least a 1st next year and probably a 3rd as well.

    Our 2015 Draft would look like this:
    1a. RB Gurley
    1b. OL Collins
    5. ?
    6. ?


    I don’t see it happening and if we did something like this we better win this year or at least get to the championship game. LOL

    • naplesfan2010 says:

      You are a genius. Mail this to Hickey tonight.
      Super Bowl guaranteed. (ok that is a little exuberant, but if we DON’T do something spectacular, 8-8 to 10-6 is about all we will get.)

  58. Ken says:

    I think we averaged about 23 points last year. If we up are average 2 points that and Suh is likely to get us 2-3 more wins in and of itself.

  59. Mike E. says:

    Wow! Naples going hardcore! I like your enthusiasm man, but do realize if we’re going to be running the ball 30-35 times a game, we’re not likely going to be scoring 30 or more points per game. It’s actually the opposite. We’ll probably score less points, but also give up less points and we’ll have an advantage in T.O.P.

    • jahndoh says:

      I doubt we’ll give up less points to Tom Brady by running more. Sorry. In isolation that’s worked, but on a year long basis, he gets the better of those teams consistently.

      I also think in a real world scenario a guy like Gurley will create much more opportunity in both the run and pass games because he’ll break more tackles and lure more safeties into the box. I don’t ever see us being more than 50/50 and given the track record of these coaches and their mentors (dating back a very long way) that’s maxing it out.

      • jahndoh says:

        Also, I saw what Naples said above, but it’s not 1972. You can’t just say, “well it’s still football” anymore than you can say that about the CFL vs. the NFL. The rules have dictated a change in game play and strategy. Long long gone are the days when a 50% passer is going to win you a superbowl.

      • jahndoh says:

        Lastly, Mike, this is more a compilation of a lot of thoughts I had while reading this page, not all of them have anything to do with anything you said. 🙂

  60. Ken says:

    Alright. I have a busy day again tomorrow. I am out. Peace to you all.

  61. D says:

    Just realized Gurley is really young, like one of the youngest of the draft class. 20

  62. Tim Knight says:

    That said, STL might be the team to trade up with. Haven’t they had like five 1st rd picks the last 3 years with the RGIII deal? They’re gonna have to pay some of those guys if they’re any good and I know Robert Quinn with 45 sacks, 155 tackles and 13 FF in 4 seasons is going to get big time defensive player money. Look at his numbers the last two seasons. He’s going to get into that $100M range.

    • naplesfan2010 says:

      exactly and flip the coin, we need some young (cheap) contracts to balance off the Tannehill/Suh deals. We don’t need any more huge FA deals for a while.

  63. Tim Knight says:

    I think that Lazor and this offense wants to pass it more but more efficient, and use the running game for balance but not the bread and butter. If we draft Gurley #14 and he may not be ready until game 6 or whatever, we’re going to be what kind of offense? The past has told us it’s the next season for RBs to get back but AP debunked that. But he was already an NFL vet not a rookie entering the league.

    When it doesn’t work out we’ll blame Philbin. LOL

    • jahndoh says:

      I don’t know obviously, but I want to give it lipservice, reports are that he had the easiest of all acl repairs and is currently on pace to be 100% for training camp.

    • naplesfan2010 says:

      We have the luxury of Miller and a very promising receiving corps with Jennings now to go with Cameron and Stills and Landry. So no I would not be all gung ho to do something radical if we did not already have a good team.
      Remember how dynamic we were with Ronnie and Ricky. Iffy QB play ruined that, but we rammed the ball down teams’ throats and that was not 1972.

  64. jahndoh says:

    Also, I’m with Tim regarding Jordan. This team is feeling optimistic. Its the ultimate team game, and a kid who came into the league with all the money and fanfare of a #3 overall has shown us nothing but a stint in rehab, a lengthy suspension and rookie season marred by an injury.

    In a just world he has a huge chip on his shoulder, realizes that if he ever wants a 2nd contract he’d better crank it up right now, and get in with his team mates who are working their asses off…rather than go out to Key West and play.

    If he’s doing that because he’s told not to come, than I fully support the pending trade. You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make him want to be a great football player.

    • Tim Knight says:


      Jahn, do you think a trade is already in the works?

      I would not be shocked if it’s LB Mychal Kendricks straight up for Jordan. LOL

      Seriously, the Eagles are going with Ryans and Alonzo inside in their 3-4 and Kendricks is a fish out of water. He’s a UFA we will have to deal with next year along with Suh’s big hit, Tannehill’s deal and Vernon and Miller as UFAs. But if we want to be good this year, let’s do it!!!

  65. jahndoh says:

    Brian, we were 24.3 pts per game last season. Getting to 26 doesn’t sound like a lot, but it would move us from 11th (our scoring is better than some fans seem to think) to 8th in the NFL.

    • Tim Knight says:

      A lot of it was in like 5 blowout games. We averaged it out down the stretch at 22 PPG the last 8. But we all saw it, the team fell apart with injury and lack of depth.

      I think our depth will be better this year, but I want to see more impact added. Suh!!! LOL

  66. naplesfan2010 says:

    I sent my question to Ask Mike several days ago. It asked him if THIS (a secret in case Mike has written about it so as not to waste his effort) is the Jordan trade scenario.

  67. naplesfan2010 says:

    well hell I actually have to go to work tomorrow unlike the rest of you guys, so thanks for letting me show I am excited for my team this year. I am that guy who is most against drab and dreary and safe and cautious, and also doom and gloom.
    I am so ready to have a fun season again.

    • Tim Knight says:

      We work smart, not hard. LOL

      • naplesfan2010 says:

        Must be somethin cuz I sure can’t work all day and post all day like all you guys do. I can’t imagine how you can be at work and on this board at the same time. You must all be frickin multi-tasking gurus.

  68. BoulderPhinfan says:

    then it was about wallace and davis, and a few others also. not about philbin. You have to admit philbin likes a certain type of guys. IF he didn’t like Jordan he should have opened his fucking mouth when ross went around the table and asked everyone who we should pick in the first round that year. Ross said everyone was on board with Jordan. Including philbin.

    • naplesfan2010 says:

      Davis was a child and he and his brothers are STILL like spoiled children.
      Wallace is a selfish diva and was let go by Mike Tomlin for that very reason.
      I have not heard anything that says Philbin has soured on Jordan, but a #3 with drug busts and low work ethic will make any coach withdraw his support.
      How are these things bad on Philbin?
      I WANT a coach who don’t take no shit off the lazy bum type players. Like Tomlin.

    • Tim Knight says:

      Notice all those players are Ireland guys and there was a disconnect? They’re all gone or almost all gone.

      People can blame Ireland then at the same time blame Philbin. Ireland sucked at talent evaluation but Philbin was supposed to win with them and coach them up. Pick one! LOL

      It’s 2015, let’s forget about 2 years ago, it didn’t work. 8-8 the last 2 years is not good enough. Time to win Joe!!!!

  69. naplesfan2010 says:

    Davis and Wallace and Jordan were all Ireland’s and the last two were his desperate attempt to save his job with big splashy signings. Philbin survived the Ireland purge because he was NOT really on board with those deals. Neither Wallace nor Jordan were even close to a good football fit for Philbin’s plans. Many of us on this board said that when the deals went down.

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