The Porcine Oddyssey #96: I’m so sorry Dolfans…

Dear Dolfans,


I’m sorry…

I know I haven’t been around much.  I’m sorry for abandoning you.

You didn’t deserve this…

You see, I was crushed.

Marino Throw

When I was a young little football I enjoyed the fruits of Marino to Clayton and Marino to Duper: 20, 30, 40 and 50 yard completions.

I thought it would last forever.

But all good things must come to an end

After 1999 I had a really tough time.  No more Marino.  It was like I didn’t exist anymore.

I started drinking a lot.  Anything to ease the pain.  I didn’t want Dolfans to see me anymore.


Sure I made some appearances with Jay Fiedler.  But from Fiedler to Marino…well…its just not the same…I’m sure you noticed.  And things only got worse.

MIAMI - AUGUST 12:  Quarterback Daunte Culpepper #8 of the Miami Dolphins warms-up for the game against the Jacksonville Jaguars at Dolphin Stadium on August 12, 2006 in Miami, Florida. The Jaguars won 31-26.  (Photo by Doug Benc/Getty Images)

In 2007 it didn’t seem like things could get any worse.  I hit and all time low.

Pennington Throw

Thankfully Chad Pennington helped me pull out of my funk.

The Dolphins were winning again.  They were in the playoffs.

Unfortunately I still had a drinking problem.  So every time you saw me I looked like a dying duck

ChadHenneWhen the Dolfans switched to the strong arm Chad Henne, I thought all my problems were solved.

It was going to be Henne to Ginn deep.  No one would stop it.

But Ginn had an affair with the sideline and Henne only had eyes for the check down.


So I abandoned you.

I know you thought I would come back when the Dolphins spent big money on Mike Wallace.

But I wasn’t ready and I stood you up.


But things are different now .

During Sunday’s practice, Ryan Tannehill hit Lamar Miller for 35 yards.  I know, I know, that’s a running back.  So next there was a 40 yard pass to Rishard Matthews.  Followed by another 40 yard pass to Jarvis Landry.  And then another deep one to Matthews.

I’m back.  I’m sorry I left you Dolfans.  Will you forgive me?  Will you have me back?

Yours Truly,

The Deep Ball

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589 Responses to The Porcine Oddyssey #96: I’m so sorry Dolfans…

  1. finfanrob says:

    Tim Knight says:
    August 11, 2015 at 8:29 pm

    ONJ is 66, man. Geez!

    ok, she is. and i like most used to think she was absolutely beautiful. but she is the one who decided to have work done, i cant help it if now she looks like a wax figure. as for her daughter, well the plastic is there for all to see.

  2. finfanrob says:

    Tim Knight says:
    August 11, 2015 at 8:00 pm

    I just had to bury two little baby squirrels that either got knocked

    right, i call bs, like any of us believe you have any type of shrubs or trees around you

  3. jetsssuck says:

    this is the south florida I grew up with. I don’t recall 1 or 2. R Donuts was a topless donuts restaurant Me and my buddies use to visit it before hitting the ft.laud strip

  4. The Flying Pig says:

    This is the guy Geno Smith pissed off


  5. The Flying Pig says:

    I just hope wake or Suh do that to Brady this year

    Worth the penalty

  6. finfanrob says:

    manitobafinfan says:
    August 11, 2015 at 8:45 pm

    Well part of the work done was having her breast cancer removed.

    i know that. and i am not a doctor but i did stay next door to a holiday inn express once………………………but pretty sure having your face re-arranged isnt part of breast surgery

  7. finfanrob says:

    The Flying Pig says:
    August 11, 2015 at 8:35 pm

    Stupid flag!

    no it wasnt. if wake was the player everyone says he is. he would have been able to just freeze in mid air long enough to avoid the hit.

  8. The Flying Pig says:

    I keep watching the video and it looks like a clean hit to me
    Wakes head is down
    But his shoulder is making contact with Smith, wake isn’t hitting smith with his helmet

  9. finfanrob says:


    it is like courteney cox. she was beautiful on friends. now it looks like she is trying out for a role playing the amazing wax woman.

  10. ocalahowie says:

    that looks like the old west palm beach auditorium
    Only saw 1 concert there. Ted Nugent.
    then hitch hiked home. Partied with the dudes and got home about 9:00 the next morning
    The other has got to be the sport hole
    Fernando broke through the wooden gate on the side during the riot at the rush concert and we all just piled in

    • jetsssuck says:

      The button on the ft laud strip during spring break. r donuts was cool. donuts sucked but the waitresses were beautiful I’m surprised they closed sporta torium. Man we are getting old. The kakop tree restaurant is probably 2 miles from where we live now

  11. finfanrob says:

    The Flying Pig says:
    August 11, 2015 at 8:51 pm

    I just hope wake or Suh do that to Brady this year

    Worth the penalty

    its so cute when you are the naive pig. if suh hits shady like that he will be suspended for the year

  12. finfanrob says:

    toba, here ya go

  13. manitobafinfan says:

    Come to think of it, Olivia was my first

  14. manitobafinfan says:


    • jetsssuck says:

      remember the movie where this guy and ONJ jumped into a volcano? Was that ONJ?.

      • manitobafinfan says:

        Not ringing a bell no. I only remember her in the classics. Grease and Xanadu. Mind you i don’t remember xanadu so maybe she did

  15. finfanrob says:

    manitobafinfan says:
    August 11, 2015 at 9:04 pm

    Okay i see what ya laying down.

    well…..yeah i wish i was

  16. finfanrob says:

    manitobafinfan says:
    August 11, 2015 at 9:11 pm


    lol, and here all of us were thinking you forgot that she had taken your virginity

  17. ocalahowie says:

    I had already gone through Debbie Harry and Pat Benetar by the time I gave her a shot 😉

  18. Ken says:

    So the Jets have Fitzpatrick as the starter and Petty at no. 2 and by all accounts Petty is not NFL ready. So in essence the Jets have only 1 QB on the roster right now which is 1 more than the Bills have. LOL.

  19. ocalahowie says:

    The button was our main spot till about 1985
    Never did go to that Donut place but I remember hearing about it when they first opened.

  20. ocalahowie says:

    The orange juice lady
    I think she was ghey

  21. wyoming85 says:

    Pat Benetar and Cheryl Tiegs!

    You’ll have to excuse me for a bit!

  22. ocalahowie says:

    Yes I just remembered while outside
    Billie Jean King

  23. finfanrob says:

    toba ONJ pillow

  24. Ken says:

    i just keep thinking about if I were a parent and I paid money to send my son to a football camp and then I find out the big attraction is Geno Smith. I would demand a refund.

  25. jetsssuck says:

    good night all good talking with you-gotta go wife just got home.

  26. The Flying Pig says:

    I’m thinking Fitzpatrick is going to be great for the jests vs bills
    And bad against everyone else

  27. ocalahowie says:

    yes that was me
    At the age of 16 my parents shipped me off to my Uncle in Houston
    So I hitched back to the airport and my girlfriends mother got me a plane ticket back to Miami.
    They lived 3 blocks behind that Publix so I lived with them and worked there.
    Burbon street, HELL YEAH! the 1st titty bar I ever would go
    And like 10 years ago my buddy took me to the new one after the game
    I was in Aw…

  28. ocalahowie says:

    That was the old Motorolla wherehouse or was it westinghouse

  29. finfanrob says:

    the best thing about this time of year isnt football starting it is little league on espn. these kids are not only great ball players but they are having a blast doing it

  30. manitobafinfan says:

    Ocala. I was more of a Jaqueline Smith guy. Nice pillow.

  31. Ken says:

    My drive by is over. I need my beauty rest. I have to look good for FFR. I am out. Peace.

  32. wyoming85 says:


    The Fake ESPN ‏@TheFakeESPN · 2m2 minutes ago
    With Geno Smith out up to 10 weeks, Bills, Dolphins & Patriots secondaries say it feels like they’ve all been punched by IK Enemkpali.

  33. Tim Knight says:

    I know this is not the place and there are only a few of us Mets fans here. But this team can pitch. They walk nobody and allow 0-2 on a regular basis. Even when the lineup is a dormant we compete because of the pitching. The Mets are 9-2 since there moves before the trading deadline. They kick-started the offense, and even though it’s not always balling I see a team bond thing happening that I haven’t see for 4-5 years.

    I say this because it’s time for the Dolphins. Matt Harvey is balling along with the other top young arms we have but he’s kind of the Tannehill for the Mets. The Dark Knight! 🙂 It’s time to go to the next level or you’re not that. Go RT!!!!!

    • manitobafinfan says:

      No worries here there is lots of talk on here about heat, hockey, women and music. Glad someones team is coming together and doing well. Rather Mes than Yankees.

  34. manitobafinfan says:

    Mets But you knew that

  35. manitobafinfan says:

    Night night people

  36. getterdone says:

    Ja’Wuan James ✔ @JawuanJames70
    That’s My Quarterback! | @ryantannehill1

  37. Tim Knight says:

    Sorry this one made me go uhhhhhh….

    Mom, I’ll be right there, geez! LOL

  38. getterdone says:

    Heather Thomas @ 57,,,,I’ll be right there…GEEZ!

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