3 -2 -1 Liftoff
Another fine launch GX4!
Oh hey, Dolfans. Wondering who GX4 is? He’s my launch specialist. He’s gets me into space so I can destroy more lifeforms. And he’s the best. GX4 has iron will – he never fails me. Its hard to believe he is a Stanfordulsian.
I know…I know…how prejudicial of me. I should not judge Stanfordulsians like that.
It’s just that my last Stanfordulsian, Johanna Martian, well he was so soft…
Every time Johanna launched me, he used to cry. He didn’t want to destroy any planets or lifeforms…what a softy. He cried so much….he melted…
He even reported me to his mother, who threatened to sue my boss, the Alpha Alien.
Well I had two choices: 1. Stop destroying so many lifeforms; or 2. well…
So after I took the second option, they replaced Johanna with another Stanfordulsian. Oh no, not another marshmallow!!!
I guess I prejudged, because his replacement, GX4 is made of iron and very reliable!
But you don’t want to hear about my launch specialist, you want to hear about football!
Which brings me to Joshua Garnett, an offensive lineman from Stanford.
So why draft the Outland Trophy winner. Are you kidding me?
He was the best guard in the country.
At 6-5 and over 320 pounds (depending who you ask) Garnett is a beast of a man.
And he is not soft either!
Quite the contrary. He’s mean, scrappy and will put you on your Fxeeeblebubbs.
Oh…you don’t believe me. You think because he went to Stanford, and you’ve had bad experiences with Stanford offensive linemen, that it’s the same thing all over again.
You judgmental Earthling – how dare you.
Okay, let’s just bury your stereotypes now. If you don’t – well Garnett may bury you.
Garnett didn’t just win the Outland Trophy in 2015. He won the Morris Trophy (Pac-12 lineman of the year), and was named first team All American by Sporting News, The Associates Press and USA Today among others.
It was pancake block after pancake block for Garnett.
Stanford plays a pro style offense.
Garnett excelled at run blocking for Stanford. He did quite a job in the passing game too.
Garnett is probably ready to play on Day 1 of his NFL career. He played left guard at Stanford his entire career.
If Garnett was an Alien Weapon of Destruction he would be the dreaded Stanfordulsian Iron Mashmallow….He will put you on your Fxeeeblebubbs!
Watch his highlights here: