The Porcine Oddyssey #1

The Flying Pig: Hello mobsters or whatever it is you’re calling yourself these days. It’s me Piggy! Like the rest of you I’m in exodus. But that won’t stop me from talking about the draft. Specifically, wide receivers, even more specifically, day two and three wide receivers. And it’s just Piggy talking to you. No Omar. No Armando – just me!


The Flying Pig: Wow, I was just about to enjoy some narcissistic glory but someone is at my barn door. I guess I have to see who is at the door.


Colonpokey: Hey Piggy it’s me Colonpokey the hamster! Give me a big hug.

The Flying Pig: Oh, um, hi Colonpokey…What is that smell?

Colonpokey: Oh nothing. I just got out of Mark Sanchez’ butt

The Flying Pig: Yuk. Get off me! What are you doing here?

Colonpokey: Well, I had to leave my regular home, the butt of Mark Sanchez. Ever since the Tebow trade he has been really uptight causing his butt to become uninhabitable…so I have no place to go and I was hoping I can hang out with you.

The Flying Pig: Well you can’t. I was just about to listen to myself speak.

Colonpokey: Please, we have so much in common. I’m in exodus like you. Your exodus is from the Sun Sentinel. My exodus is from a man’s colon.

The Flying Pig: That doesn’t sound anything like my exodus.

Colonpokey: I would love to listen to you be full of yourself.

The Flying Pig: You would?

Colonpokey: Yeah. I can even invade your butt if you like.

The Flying Pig: No. I don’t want that at all. Let’s just talk draft. It can be a roundtable. I can talk about a prospect and then you can talk about a prospect.

Before we talk about the prospects this year, we should talk about some wide receivers that Philbin has worked with inGreen Bay. The Packers drafted Greg Jennings in 2006, James Jones in 2007, Jordy Nelson in 2008 and Randall Cobb in 2011.

Colonpokey: Heehee…Packers

The Flying Pig: James Jones was a third rounder but the remaining three were all second round draft picks. Day two of the draft is not exactly the day you pick up your alpha receiver type, but it’s a great place to pick up some top tier skill players. Um, Colonpokey, can you take your hand off my knee.

Colonpokey: Oops, must have slipped

The Flying Pig: Coach Philbin has already stated that he wants to spread the ball around. So it’s not an alpha receiver sort of offense that may explain part of the reason Brandon Marshall was so quickly traded


The Flying Pig: What the fuck Colonpokey, did you just smack me in the face?

Colonpokey: Yeah I did. Sorry, I can’t help myself. Every time someone mentionsMarshall’s name I feel the urge to either drop a touchdown pass or hit someone…So I hit you. It’s a sickness. I am working to raise awareness to the sickness by smacking you.

The Flying Pig: Oh. I guess that is okay. Your hands are so small, it sort of tickled.

Colonpokey: Sure you don’t want me in your butt?

The Flying Pig: Yes I am sure. Anyway those three receivers I mentioned are on the speedy side. Cobb ran a 4.46 at the combine whileJennings ran a 4.42. Nelson was a little slower at 4.51 which isn’t exactly slow. And Jones ran a 4.54 in 2007. Jones is 6’0 but Nelson is the only of the four receivers I mentioned over 6 feet tall. But he is not as tall as Mar—er um the receiver we just traded, and that guy ran a 4.55. It should also be noted that Brian Hartline is 6’2 and ran a 4.58 at the combine.

I’m not saying those are the only factors to look at, but I think Philbin’s criteria for a wide receiver may be a little different then what we have seen here in Miami recently. Philbin isn’t opposed to small school guys. Greg Jennings went toWestern Michigan, and Jones went toSan JoseState.

I also think it is worthwhile to mention that it’s a very deep draft for receivers this year. We have one 4th round pick, two 3rd round picks and one 2nd round pick right now. So I think we are ripe for one, if not two receivers before we get out of the 4th round.

Let’s talk about the prospects. I will start with Stephen Hill the WR from Georgia Tech. I’m actually sure he won’t be available on day 2. But it’s worthwhile mentioning him because he is so talented. He ran a 4.36 40 and he is 6-4. I know some humans (eh-hem M13) say he has a little Randy Moss in him.

Colonpokey: How did Randy Moss get in his butt?

The Flying Pig: No Colonpokey, that is a comparison to Randy Moss. Anyway I don’t think Hill is in the cards for us. I have a feeling, like you, he will end up with the Browns.

Okay Colonpokey, you tell me about a wide receiver prospect…………Colonpokey…Colonpokey… why so quiet?

Colonpokey: Stephen Hill

The Flying Pig: I just finished talking about him Colonpokey

Colonpokey: Um…Randy Moss.

The Flying Pig: Randy Moss??? Are you just repeating names I already mentioned? He hasn’t been a draft prospect in over a decade?

Colonpokey: Jerry Rice. He is good.

The Flying Pig: He is a retired hall of famer. Not a draft prospect.

Colonpokey: Richard Gere. I love Richard Gere

The Flying Pig: He doesn’t even play football

Colonpokey: Piggy, I am ashamed to admit that I don’t really know any WR draft prospects?

I actually don’t really know anything about wide receivers. I have been in Mark Sanchez’ butt for a few years now. Ask me about DBs and glory holes. I can talk your ear off. But wide receivers, I don’t even know if he was throwing at those guys.

The Flying Pig: Okay, I will just talk then. Hill’s unavailability is not such a bad thing considering how deep the draft is.

I’ve been touting a couple of South Florida prospects. The first is Tommy Streeter. If you want speed and size, you have Tommy Streeter. I’m pretty convinced he would be a first round prospect if he stayed in school another year. I think he will be available in the 3rd round if we want him…maybe even the 4th round.

The other South Florida prospect I think we should talk about is T.Y. Hilton out of FIU. He ran an impressive 4.37. He isn’t quite 6 feet tall, but neither are Cobb orJennings. This guy has great hands and is probably a much better route runner than Streeter.

Um…Colonpokey, can you take your hand of my chop…

Colonpokey: Oh, oops, my mistake. You put a lot of stock in the combine Piggy

The Flying Pig: Eh, I’m just looking for certain qualities that I think fit the Philbin offense. You know there is one guy that looks like a stud when you look at his combine numbers alone: Marvin Jones out of Cal. He ran a 4.46. He led all receivers in bench press reps. He is near the top of the crop in receivers in the shuttle and cone drills as well, but the he probably suffers from the perception that he should have been a dominant receiver in college. He was not dominant. He consistently caught around 50 passes a season for about 700 yards a season. Maybe that is a good thing in Philbin’s offense. Remember they want to spread the ball around

Colonpokey: That is interesting. But who is going to throw to these guys?

The Flying Pig: I don’t really want to talk about Quarterbacks Colonpokey

Colonpokey: Piggy, why so tense?

The Flying Pig: Colonpokey, stop rubbing my shoulders, you are creeping me out. Here watch this clip of Ryan Mallett.

Colonpokey: What???? Mallett was drafted by Cheatriots last year and I wanted Irelandto draft him. It hurts Piggy. It hurts. We should have drafted the guy.

That is exactly why I put a paper bag over my head and protested inDavie. Of course I was so small that I got lost in the paper bag. Then some jerk packed his groceries on me! Do you know what it is like to be buried beneath tomato paste for 6 hours?

The Flying Pig: I’ve been covered in BBQ sauce a few times. It sucks. But forget Mallett. Take a closer look at the clip. It’s possible that Ireland is smarter than we think, and was checking out the Arkansas receivers went he went toArkansas before the draft last year.

Colonpokey: Piggy, you just turned green. Are you okay?

The Flying Pig: I don’t know if it is because I just asked a hamster named Colonpokey to take a closer look or because I suggestedIreland was smart, but I just puked in my own mouth.

Colonpokey: Here drink this water

The Flying Pig: Why is it so cloudy?

Colonpokey: Don’t worry Piggy, you won’t remember a thing.

The Flying Pig: Hmmm, I think I will pass on the water. Anyway watch to check out Mallett’s receivers. #85 is Greg Childs. #3 is Joe Adams and #4 is Jarius Wright. All three guys are available this year. There is a possibility that Arkansas may have three receivers drafted before the 5th round ends. Personally I would love to see the Dolphins add Greg Childs. I bet he would be drafted much higher if not for a 2010 knee injury.

Anyway, can you imagine Ryan Tannehill throwing to one of those Razorbacks? Or someone like Illinoiswide receiver AJ Jenkins. I’m thinking he will be a 3rd rounder and available when we pick. The guy runs a 4.39!

Colonpokey: You say that like drafting Tannehill is a forgone conclusion.

The Flying Pig: Eh, um, eh…let’s talk about receivers. I feel like I am forgetting someone…

Colonpokey: Is it Nick Toon?

The Flying Pig: No. Bad genes.

Colonpokey: Is it Chris Givens or Ashlon Jeffrey?

The Flying Pig: No. But good names. Givens particularly fits the mold I mentioned. But I’m thinking they are early 2nd rounders and I’m not sure we are going to spend our 2nd round pick on a Wide Receiver.

Colonpokey: Is it Brian Quick?

The Flying Pig: No. I’m not sure he is as quick as Philbin would like.

Colonpokey: I know. It’s Marvin McNutt. We should finish with McNutt!

The Flying Pig: That’s right I meant to McNutt. He is not as fast as I like, but he is quick and he is an exceptional route runner with soft hands.

Colonpokey: I have had a few soft handed quick McNutts in my day. Piggy? Are you asleep???

The Flying Pig: Zzzzzzzzzz….Oh, I’m sorry. I always fall asleep right after I McNutt.

Colonpokey: Can we cuddle now instead?

The Flying Pig: No Colonpokey, I think we are done.

Colonpokey: What about tight ends?

The Flying Pig: I haven’t really researched tight ends

Colonpokey: But I have!

The Flying Pig: I guess that makes sense. But not today Colonpokey

Colonpokey: Okay. Oh, can you tell the mobsters…

The Flying Pig: Legionnaires!

Colonpokey: Legionnaires I mean, can you tell them I’m looking for a home and that I am willing to trim my nails in exchange for their agreement not to eat anything that is tough to digest

The Flying Pig: Okay. So long Legionnaires!

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