PIGGY, COLONPOKEY AND THE PSYCHIC GPS ARE ALL IN THE DELOREAN. THE CAR IS SPEEDING DOWN THE HIGHWAY. PIGGY IS VISIBLY NERVOUS.
The Flying Pig: This is crazy! We have to get out of here.
Colonpokey: Relax Piggy.
The Flying Pig: Relax? The entire city of Buffalo wants to eat me as a bar snack!
Colonpokey: Piggy…take it easy.
The Flying Pig: I can’t take it easy. We should have never left my barn. This adventure gets worse and worse everyday.
Psychic GPS: Piggy, I hate to say it, but Colonpokey is right.
The Flying Pig: I’m just so stressed out…
Colonpokey: I have just the thing for that Piggy (rolling a joint).
The Flying Pig: What is what?
Colonpokey: Heehee. Just a little something (lighting the joint) to help us relax.
Psychic GPS: Colonpokey, we should not be doing that…
Colonpokey: Heehee…relax GPS (blowing smoke on the screen).
Psychic GPS: No Colonpokey (electronic cough) I don’t want any (electronic cough).
The Flying Pig: Give me some already.
Colonpokey: Yeah Piggy! (handing Piggy a joint).
Psychic GPS: No Piggy (electronic cough) You are driving (electronic giggle) you are driving man..
The Flying Pig: Don’t worry (taking a hit) I can’t see anyway.
Colonpokey: Heehee (Blowing more smoke into GPS).
Psychic GPS: I guess its alright (Electronic laugh) Everything s alright.
The Flying Pig: Colonpokey, this is strong stuff…(giggling).
Colonpokey: Yeah, its one of my special mixtures.
Psychic GPS: Special mixtures…(electronic laugh) your crazy man…what do you mean by mixture.
Colonpokey: Heehee. I put some extra stuff in there to give it a little kick.
The Flying Pig: SNORT WEEEEEEEEEEEE SNORT…what do you mean……..SNORT…I can’t even speak…SNORT….I can’t feel my snout…what’s in this?
Colonpokey: Relax guys…I know what I am doing.
Psychic GPS: We are relaxed….(Electronic laugh) What’s in this stuff.
Colonpkey: You know the usual…and a few extra things…
The Flying Pig: I can’t feel my Snout! Extra things…SNORT….extra things….HEEHEE…now I am laughing like you.
Colonpokey: Heehee, you sound like me…
The Flying Pig: But without a snout…
Colonpokey: I don’t have a snout…Heehee.
The Flying Pig: Some one took my snout…Heehee. You sound like me. Heehee
Colonpokey: No Piggy, Heehee, you sound like me.
Psychic GPS: Electronic Heehee. No you both sound like me.
The Flying Pig: oh yeah…Heehee. I have Psychic GPS’s snout.
Psychic GPS: Give me back my snout Piggy.
The Flying Pig: I can’t feel my SNOUT!
Colonpokey: Heehee. I’m glad you guys aren’t mad that this joint is laced with parrot vagina.
Psychic GPS and The Flying Pig: What?
Colonpokey: Relax guys…I put some birth control in too.
Psychic GPS: Birth control?
Colonpokey: Honestly I am surprised that the smell of Lysol is not overpowering the joint…Heehee…I guess I was judicious this time.
The Flying Pig: Lysol? What the fuck are we smoking?
THE DELOREAN SWERVES TO THE RIGHT.
Colonpokey: Relax Piggy. Its not combustable…not anymore combustable then the jet fuel I sprayed into it anyway.
Psychic GPS: Jet fuel?
Colonpokey: yeah, but don’t worry. It won’t ignite. I doused it with worm semen.
The Flying Pig: Worm semen? I don’t want to smoke worm semen!
Colonpokey: Relax guys. I’m not crossbreeding parrots and worms or anything…Heehee. I sprinkled the joint with a lethal toxic pesticide that kills anything.
THE DELOREAN SWERVES TO THE LEFT.
Psychic GPS: It sounds like you put whatever you found in this joint Colonpokey.
Colonpokey: Yeah, this is a good mixture. I’m going to call it Hamster Pellet.
Psychic GPS: But whatever you can find???
Colonpokey: Well, I’m not going to waste my cocaine on you guys…
The Flying Pig: Colonpokey you idiot! I thought this was a harmless joint. Now you are telling me there is jet fuel, a toxic pesticide, parrot vagina, worm semen and Lysol in it.
Psychic GPS: Electronic Heehee…you forgot about the birth control.
The Flying Pig: Heehee…no you forgot about the birth control.
Psychic GPS: What are you talking about man…
The Flying Pig: I love you Mrs. Butterworth.
Psychic GPS: She’s not in the car Piggy…she’s not in the car (Electronic Sigh)
Colonpokey: Relax Guys. Enjoy the experience…THE EXPERIENCE….THE EXPERIENCE…
PSYCHIC GPS’ EXPERIENCE
Colonpokey: Guys! Snap out of it! Do you hear that?
The Flying Pig: hear what?
Psychic GPS: Is that a siren?
The Flying Pig: Uh oh…
Psychic GPS: Pull over Piggy
Colonpokey: Step on it!
Psychic GPS: No! Just play it cool Piggy
The Flying Pig: Yeah. They won’t notice anything…
THE DELOREAN PULLS OVER. A POLICE OFFICE WALKS UP TO THE SIDE OF THE CAR AND TAPS THE WINDOW.
The Flying Pig: (rolling down the window) Hello Officer! I CAN feel my snout…
A CLOUD OF SMOKE RUSHES OUT OF THE WINDOW AS PIGGY ROLLS IT DOWN AND THE OFFICER COUGHS.
Psychic GPS: Oh God…we are done for…
Colonpokey: We weren’t doing anything.
Psychic GPS: that doesn’t sound guilty or anything…
Colonpokey: (whispering to Piggy) Don’t agree to let him search the trunk.
The Flying Pig: What? Why?
Psychic GPS: Shut up. He can hear you!
Officer: License and registration please.
The Flying Pig: Certainly. Its in my glove compartment (reaching in a direction and pretending not to be blind)
Psychic GPS: Lower Piggy…an inch to the left.
PIGGY FINALLY REACHES THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT, OPENS IT CLUMSILY AND A BAG OF COCAINE FALLS OUT.
Psychic GPS: Oh God(nervous) What is that Colonpokey???
Colonpokey: Oh, my pillow, my sweet powdery pillow (placing his head on top of the bag of cocaine)
The Flying Pig: What just happened? Was my snout in the glove compartment?
Psychic GPS: No Piggy…eh… it doesn’t matter. I don’t think he noticed…or doesn’t care….that is odd…give him your license.
Officer: Maybe I should get all your IDs?
Psychic GPS: Of course. No problem (handing his ID to the officer).
Colonpokey: Eh…sure…(hesitantly handing over his ID).
Officer: I will be right back (walking back to his car).
Psychic GPS: Colonpokey you idiot…when did you put that cocaine in the glove compartment.
Colonpokey: I had to put it there. There was no more room left in the trunk…Man this Delorean is not built for smuggling….I don’t know how I shut the trunk door with all that cocaine in there…
The Flying Pig: What! You stupid rodent! We are all going to jail now!
Psychic GPS: Everybody act calm. He is coming back.
Officer: Do you know why I pulled you over?
The Flying Pig: Um….was it my brake lights…
Psychic GPS: Was it the fact that we were driving on the median.
The Flying Pig: Oops.
Officer: No, that’s not it either.
Colonpokey: Did you follow a trail of blood? I could have sworn I washed my hands before I got in the car…
Psychic GPS: What the fuck Colonpokey! Did you murder someone too?
Officer: No, that isn’t it either. I hadn’t noticed any eh…blood…
Colonpokey: What a relief…
Officer: I just did a background check on you guys. You guys are pretty clean…well except for the hamster who happens to have outstanding warrants in 36 states…but not this state.
Officer: And its not because you are a blind, stoned pig driving a stolen vehicle registered to Michael J. Fox.
The Flying Pig: So Michael J. Fox owns this thing…Who knew?
Officer: Or the cocaine spilling down the road out of the trunk…
Colonpokey: We are leaking!
Psychic GPS: Okay then. What is it?
Officer: None of you have been cleared to get so close to the Palace.
The Flying Pig: the Palace? Where are we?
Officer: FoxboroPalace. You knowFoxboroPalace. King Belicheat’s Kingdom…Didn’t you notice my royal palace guard uniform
The Flying Pig: I’m blind.
Psychic GPS: I’m stoned.
Colonpokey: I was checking out your ass the whole time.
The Flying Pig: Um… its our mistake officer…we will just drive in the other direction.
Officer: Its not that easy.
SUDDENLY THREE OTHER POLICE CARS SURROUND THE DELOREAN.
Officer: Follow us.
THE POLICE CAR WHICH PULLED THEM OVER IS IN FRONT OF THE DELOREAN. THERE IS A POLICE CAR ON THE RIGHT, ONE ON THE LEFT AND ONE BEHIND THE DELOREAN AS WELL. THEY DRIVE TOWARDS AN ENORMOUS PALACE.