PSYCHIC GPS, WEDGE, COLONPOKEY, THE LITTLE PRAWN, MUSTACHIO AND PIGGY ARE ALL SITTING TOGETHER AT A ROUND TABLE

 

Psychic GPS: Well I’m glad everyone made it here

 

The Flying Pig: okay GPS…why did you ask us all to meet here

 

The Little Prawn:  “….” (nodding)

 

Psychic GPS:  I brought us all here to talk about a topic that’s been in the news a lot lately…I brought us here to talk about bullying

 

 

Wedge:  (letting out a loud cry)  Oh…bullying…

 

Psychic GPS:  (handing Wedge a handkerchief) Yes, bullying…I thought it would be a good idea if we all shared our own stories of bullying…for instance, I was bullied this Monday Night by Piggy

 

The Flying Pig:  What?  I was watching the game?

 

Psychic GPS:  (Electronic Cry)  Exactly, you son of a bitch.  You made me watch that filth on the field.  I tried to take my eyes away after the first half…but I couldn’t…it pulled me in.  I thought the Dolphins had accepted me, they took the lead, but then, they lost again…You fucking pork chop…I hate you…

 

 

The Flying Pig:  But I didn’t even know…

 

Psychic GPS:  Shut up!  (yelling) You will shut up now bacon! (he pauses a minute to pull himself together)  Okay that is my story.  Who else has a story?

 

Mustachio:  I am constantly bullied by Mrs. Mustachio (tears come to his eyes)

 

Psychic GPS:  Tell us about it Mustachio

 

Mustachio:  (whimpering)  that Puttana.  She is a Deli Slicer and a whore!  When I am away she brings all the other razors to the marital bed.  What a Gran’ Disgraziato!  I hate her!

 

 

The Flying Pig:  (under his breath) what a pussy

 

Mustachio:  (crying)  Oh…why do I have just one single blade.  I try to tell her I am a classic but, she likes the quads…

 

Psychic GPS:  That is very sad Mustachio…You are better than that.  Don’t let Piggy…THE BULLY..get to you

 

The Flying Pig:  What?  I’m just saying…she is just a deli slicer…

 

Wedge:  You insensitive ham!

 

Colonpokey:  (interrupting) I have a bullying story too!

 

The Flying Pig:  (sarcastically) …oh great…

 

Mustachio:  Tell us little hamster…Don’t let the prosciutto bully stop you

 

Psychic GPS:  Yes, tell us.  I assume it’s appropriate unlike Piggy’s hideous acts of oppression!

 

Colonpokey:  When I used to date Richard Gere.  He used to make me dress up like a bully…like Piggy…

 

 

Psychic GPS:  oh…

 

Colonpokey:  Then he used to make me do things to him

 

The Flying Pig:   Okay I think I heard enough.  I’m not a bully and I certainly don’t wear a codpiece!

 

Psychic GPS:  Yes, I agree with the bully, it’s not really appropriate

 

The Flying Pig:  I’m not a bully guys!

 

The Little Prawn:  “……”

 

Psychic GPS:  It looks like Prawny has a bullying story

 

The Little Prawn:  “……”

 

Psychic GPS:  (nodding as if he can hear him) …um…I see

 

The Little Prawn:  “……”

 

The Flying Pig:  Oh, this is enlightening…you know we can’t hear you Prawny

 

The Little Prawn:  “……”

 

Psychic GPS:  Um…the bully is right…we can’t hear you…why don’t you act it out for us

 

The Little Prawn:  “……” (grabbing a 2×4)

 

 

Wedge:  What’s he doing?

 

THE LITTLE PRAWN GOES BEHIND PIGGY AND STRIKES HIM IN THE HEAD WITH THE 2×4

 

The Flying Pig:  Squeeeeeeeal!

 

THE LITTLE PRAWN HITS PIGGY AGAIN WITH THE 2×4.  THEN HE HITS HIM THREE MORE TIMES UNTIL THE 2×4 BREAKS

 

Psychic GPS:  Oh, you poor little shellfish

 

The Flying Pig:  Squeeeeeeeal!  Him?

 

Wedge:  Shhhh bully…there is more…

 

The Flying Pig:  More?

 

THE LITTLE PRAWN GRABS PIGGY’S HEAD AND BEGINS TO BASH IT ON THE TABLE

 

The Flying Pig:  Squeeeeeaaaal! Okay!  I think I get it now…Please stop

 

The Little Prawn:  “……” (releasing Piggy)

 

Psychic GPS:  Poor little prawn…

 

The Flying Pig:  What is a matter with you guys?

 

Wedge:  Shut up bully!  You don’t understand What it’s like!

 

The Flying Pig:  (collecting himself and wiping off the blood on his head)  No, I understand…I have a bullying story too

 

Mustachio:  We don’t want to you bragging about all the Salamis you bullied Piggy

 

The Flying Pig:  No … I was the victim

 

Wedge:  what?  Do not take me for a foolish alien Piggy.  You are the bully here.

 

Psychic GPS:  No wait…it makes sense…its cyclical…Okay Piggy tell us

 

The Flying Pig:  It was January 1995…in a mystical place known as San Diego…The Dolphins were playing the Chargers in the Divisional Playoffs

 

Mustachio:  Ah, the 90’s those were the days…

 

Wedge:  double digit wins every year, Dan Marino and Don Shula…I miss it…

 

Psychic GPS:  Piggy this is supposed to be a personal story

 

The Flying Pig:  It is personal.  I was bullied that day!

 

Psychic GPS:  The Dolphins?  A mystical place known as San Diego?

 

The Flying Pig:  Yes…mystical place (fog pours in the room)  Come with me brothers (waiving his trotters to the door)  to the mystical place

 

 

Wedge:  Where are we?

 

Psychic GPS:  It looks like San Diego in 1995

 

The Flying Pig:  Dan Marino threw 3 touchdowns in the first half.

 

 

Mustachio:  Magnifco!

 

Wedge:  Magical!

 

The Flying Pig:  The Dolphins were up 21-6 at halftime.  The only thing the Chargers could do in the first half was kick field goals.  But something happened at half time…something changed.

 

Colonpokey:  What Piggy?

 

The Flying Pig:  The Chargers tackled Bernie Parmelee in the end zone for a safety in the 3rd Quarter.  And Natrone Means ran for 139 Yards that day.  The Dolphins defense could not stop him….fucking Natrone Means…he can’t even speak but he ran all over us

 

 

Wedge:  Sounds familiar….

 

The Flying Pig:  The Chargers scored to take a 22-21 lead with forty seconds left.  Amazingly Marino drove the Dolphins quickly into scoring position.  He always did.  We set up the field goal.  It was a high snap and Stoyanovich missed the game winner

 

Psychic GPS:  What happened?  Why did things turn bad after half time?

 

The Flying Pig:  We were bullied!

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nxIAwl7VsDg

 

Wedge:  That’s not being bullied Piggy…we just lost

 

The Flying Pig:  No!  Those jerks!  They shut off the lights at halftime.  The power went out in the Dolphins locker room mysteriously.  A dirty trick from the bullying Chargers!

 

Mustachio:  Those bastards!

 

Psychic GPS:  Piggy…that is very sad…but it’s not really bullying is it?

 

The Flying Pig:  (standing up and walking to the door)  No…probably not…(Piggy giggles)  I just wanted to give you big weirdos something to get be mad about!  (Piggy shuts off the lights)  Now stop crying!  Lets go get us some payback.  Go Dolphins!