PSYCHIC GPS AND WEDGE ARE KNOCKING ON THE BARN DOOR
Psychic GPS: Piggy, come on….let’s get going
Wedge: Yeah, let’s go beat the stinking jests!
A TANK SUDDENLY PLOWS THROUGH THE DOOR. PIGGY IS SITTING ON TOP OF THE TANK
The Flying Pig: Step aside! The Oinkining begins!
Psychic GPS: Now? On the verge of the jests game
Wedge: Why do you want to attack the humans now? Piggy…don’t you think you should give up on that?
The Flying Pig: Not just any humans. Jests fans humans, which are not necessarily human I guess…You see I have a confession. I disguised the Oinkining as an attack on humans for their atrocities on pork kind. But frankly I’m not really mad at humans. (whispering) I actually like bacon too. The Oinkining is really an assault on jests fans. So join me Dolpfans! Join the Piggies.
Wedge: But Piggy, don’t you want to watch the game?
The Flying Pig: No Time! The Oinkining has already begun and cannot be stopped now!
Psychic GPS: What? When did it begin?
The Flying Pig: Thanksgiving night!
FLASHBACK – ON THANKSGIVING NIGHT A FAMILY OF JESTS FANS GATHERS FOR THANKSGIVING DINNER.
Papa Jests Fan: Well here we are again, as sure as Geno Smith throws interceptions we will enjoy Thanksgiving dinner together
Sonny Jests Fan: Oh Papa, will the jests will this week?
Papa Jests Fan: Probably not. If there is one thing I have learned its that the Jests suck and I am pathetic for expecting anything else
Sonny Jests Fan: Papa? Is that what its like to be sad?
Papa Jests Fan: I don’t know Sonny, my whole life feels like this
Momma Jests Fan: Oh stop talking about the miserable disease known as the jests. Lets eat. I made something special this year….not just turkey…this year I made a ham (She brings out a covered plate).
Papa Jests Fan: Sounds delicious, not as good as a bowl of sperm, but delicious none the less!
SUDDENLY THE COVER COMES OFF THE PLATE. PIGGY IS SITTING ON THE TABLE WITH AN M16
The Flying Pig: (firing the M16 at the family) Oink You Jests Fans!
PIGGY SHOOT THE FAMILY. HE THEN TAKES A TORCH AND LIGHTS THE CURTAINS ON FIRE
The Flying Pig: The Oinkining begins! Burn Jests fans! Burn!
BACK TO THE PRESENT
The Flying Pig: Now the Oinking goes to Met Life Stadium!
Wedge: Piggy…that is 75,000 humans. Do we have the pigs?
The Flying Pig: (slamming his trotter on the tank) We have the pigs!
Psychic GPS: Do you have a plan?
The Flying Pig: We have a plan (bringing in a map of the stadium)
The Flying Pig: Initially we will start on the North End of the Stadium. At Geno Smith’s first interception, Piggies will begin to parachute into the stadium with Pig bombs
Psychic GPS: Pig Bombs?
The Flying Pig: Yes, they smell like farts and go boom!
The Flying Pig: Then, as the gonorrhea knowns as Jests fans struggles to understand what is going one, the brunt of our Piggy army will invade the South Side of the Stadium
Wedge: Without bombs?
The Flying Pig: They will be armed with Snouts, Trotters, Squiggly Tails and their Piggy Courage!
The Flying Pig: We will come from the air. We will come from the Sea. We come on busses, cars, trains and planes. And of course I will fly there myself
Wedge: (nodding) A good plan…
The Flying Pig: And there is more! These putrid infected warts known as Jests fans will be so overwhelmed on the North and South side, we will quickly destroy their forces. Then we will descend on the East and West Side, where the real carnage begins (Piggy raises his snout to the sky)
The Flying Pig: And then when it is done, the carnage will be seen all over the stadium!
Psychic GPS: Carnage?
The Flying Pig: We will give the victims the mark! The Mark of the Oinkining!
The Flying Pig: (Piggy manically snorts) Hah Hah! And Oink too! The Oinkining is coming! The Oinkining is here!