PIGGY IS SITTING AT A CANDLELIGHT DINNER WITH A HUMAN WOMAN ON A DATE
Betty Human: Thanks for taking me here Piggy, but I wish you would not have rolled in the mud before you met me here….
The Flying Pig: I didn’t roll in the mud…that’s just a stupid stereotype humans say about pigs. We are actually very clean…
Betty Human: But Piggy…there is mud all over your snout?
The Flying Pig: Um…I guess I rolled around in the mud a little…I could not help it. I was so happy. The Dolphins killed the Jests on my birthday! And I was at the game!
Betty Human: Oh of course. And how was it?
PIGGY JUMPS ON THE TABLE IN EXCITEMENT
The Flying Pig: It was amazing. There must have been somewhere between 5,000 to 10,000 Dolfans. I was sitting with a group of 800 fans myself! I went to the game with some humans friends who are Dolfans as well. Want to see a picture?
Betty Human: Sure. Who are your friends?
The Flying Pig: Oh, I don’t know, a bunch of humans. They all look alike to me…um…no offense (showing her a picture)
Betty Human: Sounds great, so did you do anything else….
The Flying Pig: (interrupting Betty) We had a few beers and subs. Then we found our seats among the Dolphin Group. The game was awesome. Geno Smith sucks hamster scrotum! He was Oinked all game!
Betty Human: Okay…enough about football anything else….
The Flying Pig: (interrupting Betty) Then the Dolphins got ahead on touchdown passes to Brian Hartline and Mike Wallace. We started singing the old Dolphin fight song. The Jests fans started leaving the Stadium early – but we stayed to the end. I felt compelled to fly out of my seat and inform the Jests fans about the facts
Betty Human: (bored and pouring another glass of wine) Sounds like you had a good time!
The Flying Pig: Your are oinking right I did! Next up the Steelers!
Betty Human: Oh…another game…
The Flying Pig: Yep! In Pittsburgh. Its going to be cold! The Dolphins offense might struggle, but maybe Wallace can make a play against his old team. If we are going to win, its going to be because we play great defense. The Pittsburgh offensive line may be in worse shape than the Dolphins. Rookie running back Le’Veon Bell may be out with a concussion. And the Dolphins are surprisingly better than average on defense. Olivier Vernon has 10 sacks now!
Betty Human: So besides the game…
The Flying Pig: (interrupting Betty) The Dolphins are 9th in the league in points against per game! They are 9th in the league in pass defense too. Its not elite but a few weeks ago, they were average at everything. I’m convinced that players like Koa Misi don’t get their due and are solid contributors
Betty Human: That is very interesting, but how do you feel about….
The Flying Pig: (interrupting Betty) They set out to create turnovers before the season and get after the QB. I was encouraged to see Wake, Vernon and Jordan on the field at the same time. The Dolphins are actually tied for 5th in sacks and tied for 2nd in interceptions. A little ballhawk named Brent Grimes has been huge for them!
Betty Human: Sounds like you had a good time at the game. I wish I would have went with you.
The Flying Pig: Oh. are you are Dolfan!
Betty Human: No. I like the jests.
PIGGY STANDS UP UPSET. HE FARTS AND LEAVES THE RESTAURANT