THE PORCINE ODDYSSEY #78: Chiefs @ Dolphins

 

PiggyFliesOverMiamiBeach

 

PIGGY IS SLEEPING IN BED.  MUSTACHIO AND PSYCHIC GPS ARE STANDING OVER THE BED. 

 

Psychic GPS:  Electronic frustration.  I can’t believe he is still sleep

 

Mustachio: Vacagare, the stupid prosciutto thinks if he naps after a loss, when he wakes up it will be a win.  He’s been sleeping for quattro days now days now!

 

Psychic GPS:  I wonder what he is dreaming about?

 

Pigydreamofbeer

 

Mustachio: uno che va in culo a sua madre, probably not his fantasy football team (laughing)  he drafted Adrian Peterson and Ray Rice in the first two rounds –  testa di merda!

 

Psychic GPS:  We should wake him up and tell him the bad news (pulling at Piggy’s shoulder…Piggy…wake up Piggy…

 

The Flying Pig:  (half asleep)  Are the Dolphins 2-0 yet?

 

Psychic GPS:  No Piggy, we definitely lost to Buffalo…again

 

The Flying Pig:  (pulling the blanket over his head)  Go away…I’m sleeping.

 

Mustachio: Affanculo…the lazy pancetta!

 

Psychic GPS:  Come on Piggy get up….I have something to tell you (shaking the bed)  Piggy….Piggy…come on (he suddenly has an idea)…Piggy…its almost Octoberfest!

 

PIGGY JUMPS OUT OF BED

 

The Flying Pig:  Good morning!

 

Psychic GPS:  Piggy, I have something to tell you.  Its about my future…Um…I’m sure you know by now that my relationship with Northeast Ohio is bigger than the Dolphins?

 

The Flying Pig:  Northeast Ohio?

 

Psychic GPS:  Before anyone ever cared where I would navigate, I was a microchip from Northeast Ohio. It’s where I walked, It’s where I ran. It’s where I cried. It’s where I download. It holds a special place in my heart. People there have seen me grow up. I sometimes feel like I’m their son. Their passion can be overwhelming. But it drives me. I want to give them hope when I can. I want to inspire them when I can…

 

The Flying Pig:  What are you saying?

 

Psychic GPS:  Piggy…I’m going to Cleveland to follow Lebron James. I’ve never really been a fan of Miami Sports…just Lebron…

 

GPS CAVS JERSEY

 

The Flying Pig:  Get the fuck out of my barn! (pushing Psychic GPS towards the door)

 

Psychic GPS:  The People of Northeast Ohio work for everything….

 

The Flying Pig:  You bandwagon piece of crap (pushing Psychic GPS out of the door)  Get out!

 

A MINUTE LATER PSYCHIC GPS OPENS THE DOOR, GRABS LIGHTER FLUID OFF THE SHELF AND WALKS TOWARDS THE DOOR

 

Psychic GPS:  Um…(he looks at the lighter fluid embarrassed) in case Lebron leaves the Cavs again

 

PSYCHIC GPS WALKS OUT THE DOOR

 

The Flying Pig:  (turning to Mustachio) Well I guess its just you and me now Mustachio…

 

Mustachio:  Well Piggy…ever since this summer…I’ve been thinking…you know about the World Cup and Italy’s early exit…Figlio di puttantas…Italia needs me!

 

MusatchioVivaItalia copy

 

Mustachio:  Viva Italia!!!  (waiving an Italian flag)  Here we come in 2018!  (yelling out the door)  Mrs. Mustachio, we are going back to the old country!

 

MUSTACHIO RUNS OUT THE DOOR AND PIGGY IS ALONE

 

The Flying Pig:  Everyone is gone now…its just me….(a tear falls from Piggy’s eye)

 

SadPiggy1

 

THERE IS A KNOCK ON THE DOOR

 

The Flying Pig:  What is that?  Mustachio?  GPS?  Wegde?  Prawny?  Even Colonpokey?  Who is there?  (opening the door)

 

Phil Joseph:  Hi Piggy!  Its me Phil Joseph

 

The Flying Pig:  Oh…Phil Joseph….um…I wasn’t expecting you…

 

Phil Joseph:  Yes, well, I’m trying to spend more time with the team, making my presence known….um…Piggy (picking a gum wrapper off the floor) Its kinda of messy in here..

 

The Flying Pig:  (embarrassed)  I didn’t expect any guests today…you kind of came out of fucking nowhere

 

PhilBJoesephMaster

Phil Joseph:  Piggy…let’s cut down on the profanity okay…

 

The Flying Pig:  Oh…eh…okay

 

Phil Joseph:  Do you think you can help me with my scouting report Piggy

 

The Flying Pig:  I bet I can

 

Phil Joseph:  The Chiefs were a real surprise team last year.  Part of their success was based on Alex Smith’s good yea.  Alex Smith is a QB with a reputation for minimizing turnovers.  He is not exactly a guy who will light you up but if he can avoid turning the ball over, he can be effective…

 

The Flying Pig:  He threw three interceptions in Week 1.

 

Phil Joseph:  Indeed he did.  The real threat on the Chiefs offense, however is Jamaal Charles

 

The Flying Pig:  Is he going to play?

 

CharlesOrDavis

 

Phil Joseph:  He was at practice on Thursday…so looks that way.  Even if he does;t Knile Davis was productive for the Chiefs last week.  The Chiefs like those small speedy backs that can be good receivers.

 

The Flying Pig:  Andy Reid like those types.  He had a player like that n Philadelphia in LeSean McCoy

 

Phil Joseph:  That’s true.  Andy Reid runs a modern day west coast offense

 

The Flying Pig:  He coached with Mike Holmgren, who was an assistant with Bill Walsh.

 

Phil Joseph:  Yes Piggy….and…

 

The Flying Pig:  and he’s a walrus!

 

Phil Joseph:  no…what?

 

The Flying Pig:  Here is a picture of Andy Reid

 

CoachReid copy

 

Phil Joseph:  I don’t think that is an accurate picture Piggy

 

The Flying Pig:  Moving on…that defense was pretty stout

 

Phil Joseph:  One of the best in the NFL last year

 

The Flying Pig:  Its too bad Derrick Johnson was hurt in Week 1.

 

Phil Joseph:  Its a shame!

 

The Flying Pig:  Who left that chainsaw on the field?

 

Phil Joseph:  Chainsaw?

 

Derrick JohnsonChainsaw

 

The Flying Pig:  It was Dontari Poe!

 

Phil Joseph:  What?

 

The Flying Pig:  Its because he kissed Roger Goodell when he was drafted…first you get drafted and kiss the commissioner, then you leave chainsaws on the field that end the season of an all pro-linebacker…Fire Goodell!

 

Phil Joseph:  Piggy?  What are you talking about?

 

The Flying Pig:  You heard me 30 – 20 Dolphins.  Now leave me alone, I have to sign Jonathan Dwyer to my fantasy team

 

 

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