PIGGY IS WALKING AROUND THE BLOCK IN A COSTUME WITH A BAG TO COLLECT CANDY. HE WALKS UP TO A DOOR AND KNOCKS
Phil Joseph: (opening the door) Oh, It’s Piggy!
The Flying Pig: (opening his bag for candy) Trick or Treat!
Phil Joseph: What are you dressed up as?
The Flying Pig: Oh me…I’m a NY Jests Turnover!
Phil Joseph: Of course you are! Well Piggy I have bad news…I don’t have any candy…but I will talk to you about the Chargers game.
The Flying Pig: Not even some candy corn or something?
Phil Joseph: Did you know the Chargers have not won in Miami since 1982. That was in the days of the Orange Bowl and it took overtime for the Chargers to beat Miami in that game.
The Flying Pig: Isn’t that the famous Hook and Lateral game?
Phil Joseph: Yes it is! That was over thirty years ago! But let’s not talk about history. The reality is Philip Rivers is having a great year now and that is who the Dolphins have to play against, not history. Rivers is third in the NFL in QB rating, just behind Aaron Rogers who just won a game for the Packers in Miami.
The Flying Pig: Squeal! Don’t remind me! (Piggy falls to the ground clutching his stomach)
Phil Joseph: He has 20 TDs and 5 Interceptions as well. His passing yardage numbers are not huge but they don’t need big numbers from him. The Chargers have a pretty good defense. They are 11th in the NFL in Yards Against, 4th in Points Against, 14th in Rush Yards Against and 6th in Pass Yards Against.
PHIL JOSEPH SHUTS THE DOOR
The Flying Pig: So no candy then…
PIGGY KNOCKS ON THE DOOR NEXT DOOR
The Flying Pig: (opening his bag for candy) Trick or Treat!…oh…its you
The Flying Pig: Ireland!!!
Jeff Ireland: Hey Piggy…All ready for this week’s game? Hopefully the Dolphins can stop Ryan Matthews!
The Flying Pig: Matthews? He is not playing! He’s injured…again!!! To tell you the truth he has been kind of a disappointment throughout his career.
Jeff Ireland: He was a great pick for the Chargers. The Chargers have had many great draft picks. Like Outside Linebacker Larry English. He was on my radar.
The Flying Pig: What? He doesn’t even have 70 tackles in his career. He plays for the Buccaneers now. He was a bust!
Jeff Ireland: Bust is such a harsh word…some people say that about Ryan Leif who I was also very big on…
The Flying Pig: I’m not putting myself through this again. The Dolphins fired you! I’m out of here! (Piggy runs away)
PIGGY KNOCKS ON ANOTHER DOOR. NICK SABAN ANSWERS THE DOOR
The Flying Pig: Trick or treat…oh its you…
The Flying Pig: I like your costume…I’ve never seen anyone dressed up as an enema
Nick Saban: Look Piggy, about the way I left the Dolphins….
PIGGY STABS SABAN BEFORE HE IS FINISHED SPEAKING AND FLEES THE SCENE OF THE CRIME PIGGY KNOCKS ON ANOTHER DOOR. REX RYAN ANSWERS THE DOOR.
The Flying Pig: Trick or treat!
Rex Ryan: Hey Piggy. You are the first trick or treater tonight. No one else wants my treats.
The Flying Pig: (holding out the bag) Give me all your candy. You don’t need it.
Rex Ryan: Candy??? Oh no….(placing a worn shoe in the bag) foot products only!
The Flying Pig: I don’t want foot products! Can you at least tell me something about the Chargers?
Rex Ryan: Are you kidding me? We got our asses handed to us. They beat us 31-0. We are the jests. We don’t know what we are doing! (he closes the door)
PIGGY KNOCKS ON THE FINAL DOOR OF HIS BLOCK
The Flying Pig: Please have candy…please have candy…please have candy…
THE DOOR SLOWLY OPENS
The Flying Pig: um…trick or treat…
KING BELICHEAT OPENS THE DOOR
The Flying Pig: oh…its you…
KING BELICHEAT MUMBLES SOMETHING, PLACES AN APPLE IN PIGGY’S BAG AND CLOSES THE DOOR
The Flying Pig: An apple! You asshole!!! (as the door closes) Dolphins 27 Chargers 24!