By Dr. Bruce Banner
Rage!!!! Smash!!!! Slam!!!! Hulk no see Red. Hulk see green, miserable gang green. Hulk so angry he want to replace Jets toilet paper with sand paper. But Hulk should no be angry with miserable putrid Jets. Jets did nothing wrong except play football. Hulk angry with miserable putrid Dolphins. Miserable putrid Dolphins no show up in London, the same could be said about Washington, Jacksonville and Buffalo (well that was in Miami but you get point). Hulk angry that miserable putrid Dolphins have no anger like Hulk. Why should Hulk get angry when miserable putrid Dolphins show no anger? Show no emotion? Show they no care? Why should Hulk care? Hulk don’t know why but Hulk cares, Hulk cares so much it hurts! Why it no hurt for Suh? Why it no hurt for Tannehill? Why it no hurt for Misi? Why? Because miserable putrid Dolphins led by miserable putrid Joe Philbin who get more angry about a gum wrapper on the practice field than the piece of shit that Dolphins leave on playing field every week. Miserable putrid Dolphins take on personality of emotionless, stoic, rudderless and clueless head coach. Coach Joe may be nice guy but Hulk no care. Hulk want good football coach and now 4 years into Coach Joe era Hulk know we no have one.
Hulk angry that he has watch uninspired, flat football for the better part of the last 16 years but it has been especially flat in the Philbin years. Yes there was the Cam Cameron disaster but that only last one year. Yes Tony Sparano fist pumped the Dolphins through a period of mediocrity but at least he produced one of Hulk’s favorite seasons in 2008 when Dolphins were fun and exciting to watch with innovative wildcat offense. At least Sparano recognized after 2 games the need to change when things were wrong unlike coach Joe whose surgically inserted rod up his backside makes him unable to change even when everything go wrong. Sparano at least had fire and show emotion. Coach Joe so bad that Hulk longing for the innovative and exciting football mind of Tony Sparano. What has world come to?
Hulk angry that Dolphins become boring to watch. Hulk remember as young Hulkling watching Bob Griese throw deep to Paul Warfield and handing off to some guy named Zonk who run over everyone. Hulk remember how Dan Marino made every Sunday a must watch, how no matter how far behind Dan could and often did bring team back from impossible deficits. Hulk remember defense of Jason Taylor, Zach Thomas, Tim Bowens, Sam Madison and Patrick Surtain and how they could just stop an opposing offense cold. What Hulk got to watch now? Another failed 3rd and long conversion? Another 3rd and long conversion against our defense? A costly penalty at a crucial time? Hulk see this script too many times. Every team seen this script too many times. Every team know what we going to do. Every team no have respect for Phins and why should they when coach Joe just stand and stare from sideline looking like he is waiting for his constipation medicine to start working. The only problem is that it is coach Joe that needs to be flushed if this team and franchise is ever to become a winner again. Hulk done!
Coach Joe waiting for his constipation medicine to work: