PORKLOGUE: Today the Porcine Odyssey is 18 and officially legal. Keep your pants on. The Odyssey is not interested. Also the stinking Jests come to South Florida. Do I need to say anything more? Double Oink Bitches! Jests Suck!
PIGGY AND PSYCHIC GPS ARE IN THE BATHROOM KNEELING IN FRONT OF THE TOILET. THEY BOTH LOOK VERY SICK. COLONPOKEY WALKS IN THE ROOM.
The Flying Pig: BLAAAAHHHHHHHH
Psychic GPS: Electronic Puke
Colonpokey: What’s a matter guys? Why are you sick?
The Flying Pig: You don’t smell it?
Psychic GPS: The stinking Jests are in South Florida Colonpokey. Electronic Puke!
Colonpokey: Oh….that doesn’t make me sick…its make me sad and lonely (a tear falls from Colonpokey’s eye)
The Flying Pig: (whispering to Psychic GPS) what a loser…
Psychic GPS: That is a little odd Colonpokey. Most people just experience nausea around a team as disgusting as the Jests
The Flying Pig: Yeah! If I wasn’t so sick, I would be completely making fun of you!
COLONPOKEY WALKS OUT OF THE BATHROOM
Colonpokey: I’m going to call my grandma…(dialing the phone) Nanapokey?
Nanapokey: Hello Colonpokey. I’m so happy to hear your voice (distracted)…why are you botherin…eh…I mean calling me?
Colonpokey: Nanapokey, I am so depressed. My old flame is coming to town. I miss him so much…everyone else is sick…but I am just sad and lonely…I want to be sick like the others, like a normal reaction to the Jests.
Nanapokey: Oh Colonpokey, I’m sorry. Do you remember what I used to tell you to do when you are feeling down?
Colonpokey: Yes, Nana. But I don’t have rope and peanut butter…
Nanapokey: No…not that…The other thing…
Colonpokey: Do you mean sing a little song?
Nanapokey: Yes Colonpokey. Sing a little song. You will feel better. And the way you sing, you are bound to make someone else sick…maybe even yourself…
Colonpokey: That’s it Nanapokey! I will sing a little song about my broken heart. Thank you Nana!
Nanapokey: Oh Colonpokey. I am always there for you…Now leave me alone, the Bachelor is about to start (hanging up the phone)
COLONPOKEY WALKS TO A PIANO ON THE WALL AND BEGINS PLAYING “YESTERDAY”
Colonpokey: (singing) Sanchez, all my troubles seemed so far away. Now it looks as though they’re here to stay. Oh, I believe in your butt
Colonpokey: (singing) Suddenly I’m not half the rodent I used to be. There’s a piggy hanging over me. Oh, yesterday came suddenly (Colonpokey wipes a tear from his face)
Colonpokey: (singing) Why he had to go. I don’t know, he wouldn’t say. I said something wrong. Now I long for another butt (Colonpokey points to his own butt)
Colonpokey: (singing, his voice cracks) Sanchez, love was such an easy game to play. Now I need a butt to hide away. Oh, I believe in your butt. (Colonpokey falls to his knees)
Colonpokey: (pulling himself up from his knees and singing) Why’d he have to go. I don’t know, he wouldn’t say. I said something wrong. Now I long for another butt. (Colonpokey points to his own butt)
Colonpokey: (singing) San….chez…. (barely making out the first words because he is crying) love was such an easy game to play. Now I need a butt to hide away. Oh, I believe in your butt (Colonpokey places his head down on the piano)
Colonpokey: (humming and wiping away tears from his face) Hmmm Hmmmm Hmmm Hmm Hmmmm Hmm Hmmm
The Flying Pig: (Yelling from the other room) Colonpokey keep in down in there! The game is about to start. Go Dolphins!