WEDGE IS SITTING ALONE STILL VISIBLY UPSET ABOUT THE GIRLFRIEND FORMERLY KNOWN AS KEKUA. HIS PHONE RINGS AND HE RECOGNIZES THE PHONE NUMBER AS KEKUA’S PHONE NUMBER
Xt%6*89-PyK^#’s Voice: Um (in a much deeper voice) My name is Xt%6*89-PyK^#
Wedge: Why is your voice so deep?
Xt%6*89-PyK^#’s Voice: Because I’m a dude Wedge…
Wedge: A dude?
Xt%6*89-PyK^#’s Voice: Yeah…Kekua never really existed…Sorry…(hanging up the phone)
Wedge: Kekua? Kekua? Xt%6*89-PyK^#? Eh…still dead?
THERE IS NO ANSWER ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE PHONE. PIGGY AND GPS WALK IN THE ROOM. THEY ARE WEARING ROBES AND HOLDING LIT CANDLES
The Flying Pig: Wedge, come with us
Psychic GPS: Put down the phone…and come to the graveyard with us
Wedge: What? Why are we going to the graveyard at night? I don’t think I’m up to it…I just found out Kekua was a guy!
The Flying Pig: That means your ghey…
Wedge: No it doesn’t! I didn’t know!
Psychic GPS: Guys it doesn’t matter. To the Graveyard! (GPS points to the Graveyard outside of the barn)
PIGGY, GPS AND WEDGE GO INTO THE GRAVEYARD AND GO DIRECTLY TO THE UNMARKED JUMPSUIT TOMBSTONE WHERE THEY DIG UNTIL THEY UNCOVER AN ADIDAS COFFIN
Wedge: Why are we here? Didn’t we just bury Colonpokey in the graveyard? (sigh) I really don’t understand you Earthlings…
The Flying Pig: Shhhhhh (whispering) We are here to learn about Samurai…
A STRONG GUST OF WIND BLOWS WEDGE DOWN
Psychic GPS: We are here to meet an expert…an expert on speed…
PIGGY AND GPS LIFT THE COFFIN AND OPEN IT. THE CORPSE OF AL DAVIS COMES OUT
The Corpse of Al Davis: Hello Pigstah….Hello GPS…Hello Green Man from Outah Space…
Psychic GPS: We come here for knowledge
The Corpse of Al Davis: There is a price for knowledge (The Corpse points at Wedge)
The Flying Pig: No Bargaining! The knowledge we seek is special knowledge…
The Corpse of Al Davis: Special knowledge? Special knowledge is more expensive (The Corpse points to all three of them)
Psychic GPS: Not this knowledge!
PIGGY AND GPS WALK TO EACH SIDE OF THE CORPSE. WEDGE CONTINUES TO STAND IN FRONT OF THE CORPSE
The Flying Pig: This knowledge is so great, you cannot keep it inside…
Psychic GPS: We only need to say the name and you cannot help but to blurt out all you know
THE CORPSE OF ALL DAVIS HISSES AT THEM
The Flying Pig: We speak of Samurai!
The Corpse of Al Davis: (screaming) Sam-AH-rai????
A STRONGER GUST OF WIND BLOWS BY ALL FOUR OF THEM, PICKING UP LOOSE LEAVES AND DEBRIS AND SWIRLING THE DEBRIS AROUND THE CORPSE
Wedge: Yeah Samurai!
PIGGY RUNS OVER AND COVERS WEDGE’S MOUTH QUICKLY
The Flying Pig: Heed your tongue Alien! There is no need to say it twice
The Corpse of Al Davis: Silence! I will speak of the ones you want to know about…but just one of them…I will tell you about Justin Huntah
TUMBLEWEEDS BLOW PAST THE CORPSE
The Flying Pig: Who?
The Corpse of Al Davis: Justin Huntah
Psychic GPS: Hunter?
The Corpse of Al Davis: That is what I said – Huntah?
The Flying Pig: Hun-TAH
The Corpse of Al Davis: Yes Hun-Tah
Psychic GPS: You want some Past-AH?
The Corpse of Al Davis: No Justin Hun-TAH
Wedge: And a glass of Shas-TAH
The Corpse of Al Davis: No Damnit! Justin Hunt-AH! The wide receiver who ran a 4.44 forty yahd dash!
THE WIND BLOWS ALL THE LEAVES OFF A NEARBY TREE
The Corpse of Al Davis: Look at the way HuntAH runs…like the wind!
Psychic GPS: Didn’t he have a serious injury in 2011?
The Corpse of Al Davis: Yes…he missed most of 2011 with a torn ACL…but he came back strong in 2012. Did you hear me? 4.44 speed at the combine!
Wedge: That is fast…but there were faster.
The Corpse of Al Davis: FastAH…Yes, I suppose so..Marquis Goodwin, Tavon Austin, Ryan Swope, even his own teammate PattAHson…but speed is not everything. (The Corpse collapses)
The Flying Pig: (helping the Corpse Up) Are you okay?
The Corpse of Al Davis: Yes…sorry..that last sentence was like a punch in the gut…What I mean is HuntAH is a track StAH.
Psychic GPS: Okay..So he is a track star.
The Corpse of Al Davis: He has a special place in my Haht…Once upon a time I was a great track stAH too. If it weren’t for than damn Ben Johnson and his StAHroids, you would be looking at a Corpse adorned in Gold Medals
The Flying Pig: I think we are going a little off point Corpse…
The Corpse of Al Davis: Oh Yes…of course. Justin Hunter was an elite long jumpAH in high school and at Tennessee. In 2010 he was the USA Junior National Champion! So you know he can go get the ball.
THE WIND BLOWS THE NEARBY DOWN AND UPROOTS IT. THE TREE FLIES PAST THEM NARROWLY MISSING PIGGY
Psychic GPS: That’s impressive
The Corpse of Al Davis: You think that is it? No HuntAH jumped close to 40 inches at the combine. He tied for first place with two othah receivers in the vah-tical jump. He is probably going to be quite a redzone threat jumping that high
Wedge: You guys, it’s getting windy out…maybe we should go inside?
The Corpse of Al Davis: Silence! I am speaking a SamAHrai! The great jumping SamAHrai!
The Flying Pig: Those are impressive facts Corpse but…
The Corpse of Al Davis: He was the top performAH at the combine in the broad jump too!
A TORNADO FORMS NEAR THEM AND GETS DANGEROUSLY CLOSE TO THE FOUR OF THEM
Psychic GPS: It is getting a little too windy out…
The Corpse of Al Davis: (yelling to be heard over the wind) What I am saying is…Justin HuntAH can jump!
The Corpse of Al Davis: (yelling to be heard over the wind) I mean he can really jump!
The Corpse of Al Davis: (yelling to be heard over the wind) And when a SamAHrai jumps!
THE TORNADO SURROUNDS PIGGY, WEDGE, GPS AND THE CORPSE AND PICKS THEM UP OFF THE GROUND
Wedge: The tornado !!
The Corpse of Al Davis: (yelling to be heard over the wind) The SamAHrai flies!
The Flying Pig: Squeeeeeaaaaal! (caught in the Tornado cycle) I can’t control my wings!
The Corpse of Al Davis: (yelling to be heard over the wind) When a SamAHrai jumps…the wind, the sky, the space above us – they beg for mercy!
Psychic GPS: Electronic Scream!
THE TORNADO THROWS ALL OF THEM ON THE GROUND
The Flying Pig: Um…I think we heard enough for today…
THE WIND SUDDENLY DIES DOWN
The Corpse of Al Davis: Wait…I have a gift for you
The Flying Pig: A gift…What is it?
The Corpse of Al Davis: It is what you desire the most…what do you desire the most?
Wedge: What? (defensively) Why are you looking at me? I admire his dancing…
The Corpse of Al Davis: Damnit! Its a sword… A Katana…The Katana known as The Ham Slicer
(The Ham Slicer)
PIGGY TAKES THE SWORD AND WEDGE, GPS AND PIGGY WALK AWAY FROM THE CORPSE
Psychic GPS: Hey…Let’s stop by Colonpokey’s grave and pay our respects
Wedge: Good idea
The Corpse of Al Davis: (waiving to them) Beware of the Samurai! Beware of Justin HuntAH!
A GUST OF WIND BLOWS THE CORPSE BACK IN HIS COFFIN
PIGGY, WEDGE AND GPS GO TO COLONPOKEY’S GRAVE. THE SHOEBOX HAS BEEN DUG OUT OF THE GROUND AND THE SHOE BOX IS EMPTY
Wedge: Where is Colonpokey?
Psychic GPS: Some one must have stolen his carcass
The Flying Pig: Who cares! Look how cool my sword is
(Here Does Not Lie Colonpokey)
A LARGE SPACESHIP FLIES AWAY FROM THE GRAVEYARD ABOVE WEDGE, GPS AND PIGGY
TO BE CONTINUED…