WEDGE, MUSTACHIO AND PSYCHIC GPS ARE TRYING TO WAKE UP PIGGY
Mustachio: Its no use, ere ubriaco!
Wedge: Did he drink that much celebrating the Dolphins win (shaking Piggy to wake him up)
The Flying Pig: Snort! I’m not drunk…I’m having a dream…leave me alone…it’s a good dream…
Psychic GPS: Get Up Piggy, we are at the game!
The Flying Pig: the Game (suddenly opening his eyes) Where are we?
Wedge: We are in Indianapolis Piggy
WEDGE, MUSTACHIO AND THE LITTLE PRAWN BEGIN TO CIRCLE PIGGY MAKING THE SOUNDS OF STOCK CARS CIRCLING AROUND HIM
The Flying Pig: Well Let’s go! The game is about to start
Psychic GPS: Um…Piggy…we need tickets
The Flying Pig: Tickets! Well getting five tickets in Indianapolis should be easy. Everyone knows Colts fans will do anything for the first overall pick in the draft, we will just offer some of these morons tailgating around here the 1st overall pick in exchange for 5 tickets!
Wedge: Um…6 tickets…
The Flying Pig: 6? Who is the sixth?
WEDGE AND MUSTACHIO WHEEL OUT COLONPOKEY
Colonpokey: Hello Piggy…
The Flying Pig: No! Not the rodent! Anyone but the perverted rodent!
Colonpokey: Piggy…I may not have all my strength back. When I do, I will win Marc Sanchez’ heart back and I will have to leave you guys…but until then, I can go to the games with you guys
The Flying Pig: (sigh) Okay…six…Already everyone find a tailgater. We will be more likely to succeed if we separate and meet back here in a half hour. I’m going to approach this large party of tailgaters to my left. Everyone find their own morons!
PIGGY WALKS UP TO A COLTS FAN IN FRONT OF THE GRILL
Grilling Colts Fan: Hey there little Piggy
The Flying Pig: Hey there! So Andrew Luck looks pretty good…bet you guys would love to have another #1 overall pick?
Grilling Colts Fan: Sure would!
The Flying Pig: Well I know how you can get that #1 pick! But I’m gonna need 6 tickets to tell you how
Grilling Colts Fan: That’s a deal! um…the tickets are on top of my grill
The Flying Pig: The grill?
Grilling Colts Fan: Yup! Come and get them…
The Flying Pig: This grill?
Grilling Colts Fan: Yes (closing the grill with Piggy inside) this grill (He laughs a sinister laugh)
ABOUT 50 YARDS AWAY, MUSTACHIO IS TALKING TO ANOTHER COLTS FAN
Drunk Colts Fan: Nope (hiccup) sorry little razor, I don’t have any tickets to spare…
Mustachio: Afanculo that is too bad! Hey, do you want to see my Ndamukong Suh impression.
Drunk Colts Fan: Sure. Why not?
Mustachio: Okay here it is!
MUSATCHIO JUST STARES AT THE FAN FOR A MINUTE WHO IS PATIENTLY WAITING
Drunk Colts Fan: Um…uh…I guess I missed it
THE FAN TURNS HIS BACK TO MUSTACHIO TO WALK AWAY AND MUSATCHIO TAKES OUT HIS LEGS FROM UNDER HIM
Mustachio: TAH-DAH! Applauso! Applauso!
ANOTHER 50 YARDS AWAY THE LITTLE PRAWN IS SPEAKING WITH ANOTHER COLTS FAN WHO IS GRILLING AND HOLDING A SPATULA
The Little Prawn: “……” (The Little Prawn makes a barely audible squeaking noise but no one can here what he is saying)
Colts Fan with Spatula: What?
The Little Prawn: “……”
Colts Fan with Spatula: What? I can’t hear what you are saying…(he calls out to his wife) honey this shrimp is trying to say something to us, but I can’t hear him
The Little Prawn: Shrimp??? Its Prawn you fuckface! (taking the spatula from his hand and beheading him with it)
BACK WHERE THE GROUP ORIGINALLY MET THEY RETRUN AFTER HALF AN HOUR
Wedge: Any luck?
Psychic GPS: Nope, couldn’t get a ticket. How bout you Mustachio
Mustachio: Oh no, I would have better luck getting my whore wife to leave her dress on when I am away.
Psychic GPS: Too bad. How bout you Prawn?
THE PRAWN THROWS THE HEADS OF 4 COLTS FANS ON THE GROUND
Wedge: Um…guess not…Hey look Colonpokey is over there by the porta potty. Maybe he got some tickets
Mustachio: He has been going in and out of the porta potties all day with different fans
Psychic GPS: (waiving Colonpokey down) Colonpokey! (to Colonpokey) Any luck?
Colonpokey: Oh yeah! tons! Piggy was right, these Colts fans will do anything for the #1 overall pick!
Psychic GPS: Great. So you got the tickets?
Colonpokey: Tickets? No. I didn’t get any tickets. (Colonpokey opens another porta potty door where a desperate fan awaits him) You can take the machine out of the hamster but you can’t take the pervert out of this hamster!
Psychic GPS: (electronic sigh) Oh well, maybe Piggy had some luck. I think he was talking to the guy who is grilling over here.
PSYCHIC GPS AND THE LITTLE PRAWN APPROACH THE GRILLING COLTS FAN
Grilling Colts Fan: hey there little prawn and navigational device!
The Little Prawn: “…”
Psychic GPS: Have you seen our friend. he is a pig, with wings?
Grilling Colts Fan: Sure I saw him! He was on my grill! hey are you guys hungry. Try some of my bacon wrapped wings!
Psychic GPS: Oh no! Not Piggy! It can’t be
The Little Prawn: “…” (flagging Wedge, Mustachio and Colonpokey over)
Psychic GPS: You guys (electronic cry) I have some bad news (showing them a plate of bacon wrapped wings) Its Piggy. He is gone…
Wedge: Oh no…how can this be? Piggy has been cooked!
Mustachio: Che tristezza! Poor Piggy, he was such a good friend, now he looks so…um…he looks so…tender…
Wedge: Yes, tender…tender and juicy too…
Mustachio: yes tender and Juicy…and maybe even (taking a wing and eating it) delicious too
Psychic GPS: Mustachio! That is Piggy!
Mustachio: I know. It hurts me inside…but he is delicious . I am ashamed… (eating another wing)
Wedge: Guys (grabbing a wing and eating it) Piggy would have wanted it this way. He was a generous pig…
Psychic GPS: I guess…(grabbing a wing and eating it)
Colonpokey: Which part is the pork butt? (grabbing a wing and eating it)
The Little Prawn: “……” (eating a wing)
Mustachio: (crying) Oh Piggy, he was so delicious…
Wedge: (with his mouth full of bacon covered wings and crying) Oh its so sad
Psychic GPS: (Electronic Cry) Oh, my delicious friend…what a sad day it is
PIGGY WALKS OUT AROUND THE CORNER
The Flying Pig: Guys! I got the tickets! These Colts fans are crazy – this guy kept these in his barbeque…hey what are you guys eating?
MUSTACHIO, GPS, WEDGE, PRAWN AND COLONPOKEY ALL ARE SILENT. THEY LOOK AT THE FLOOR BECAUSE THEY FEEL SO GUILTY THEY CAN’T LOOK PIGGY IN THE EYE
The Flying Pig: Is that (examining the plate) Bacon Covered Wings! You bastards what kind of sacrilege is this!
Psychic GPS: The Game is about the start (excited to change the subject)
Colonpokey: Yeah the game!
The Little Prawn: “……”
The Flying Pig: All right…(disappointed) let’s go watch the game
Mustachio: (sneaking another wing in his mouth) hey Piggy, what were you dreaming about?
The Flying Pig: About the things pig dreams are made…
(“The Things Pig Dreams are Made of”)
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