PIGGY, PSYCHIC GPS, WEDGE, MUSTACHIO, COLONPOKEY AND THE LITTLE PRAWN ARE DRIVING THE OINKMOBILE TO NEW ORLEANS.

Mustachio: (slamming a fist to the ground) Cavolo! All these leccaculo experts are picking the Saints to win!

Wedge: The Dolphins never get any respect. We are 3-0! But its like we are 1-2 or something! Did you see the Power Rankings!

Psychic GPS: Electronic Sigh…fucking jerks…they don’t know anything…

The Flying Pig: (interrupting) Guys…why are you getting so worked up about it. It doesn’t mean anything….

Wedge: I’m sick of no one giving this team any respect!

The Little Prawn: “……” (he smashes a bottle on the floor)

The Flying Pig: I understand why the experts say the things they do…

Mustachio: Affanculo!!!! Piggy how could you!

Colonpokey: Piggy…what cruel words you Oink…look what you have done to The Little Prawn

THE LITTLE PRAWN CLUTCHES HIS HEART AND POUTS

Wedge: He looks like Michael Egnew now….

The Flying Pig: You don’t understand my oinks right…What I mean is that I know for a fact that they all secretly think the Dolphins are the greatest team ever…they just can’t say it…

Psychic GPS: That’s absurd Piggy…the experts obviously hate the Dolphins…

The Flying Pig: (moving in closer to the others) You see…I have been to a secret place…a place where they reveal their love for the Dolphins…another dimension, where experts speak the secrets they bury within their hearts…and they love the Dolphins…

Wedge: Okay Piggy…now I know you are a flying Pig talking to an alien, an electronic device, a crustacean, a razor and a perverted hamster….but this is the craziest thing you have ever said…

The Flying Pig: I’m talking about another dimension…(whispering) I’m talking about….PIGZARRO WORD…(Piggy Snorts)

Mustachio: Oh no…this little prosciutto is too salty…he has lost it

PIGGY TAKES A PIECE OF CHALK AND DRAWS A LARGE CIRCLE ON THE INTERIOR WALL OF THE OINKMOBILE. THE CIRCLE WITHIN THE CIRCLE TURNS INTO A PORTAL

The Flying Pig: This is the portal to Pigzarro World…(Piggy steps inside the portal, he waves the others to follow him in) Come on guys…lets go!

THE LITTLE PRAWN JUMPS IN AFTER PIGGY

Mustachio: I can’t believe I am going in (stepping inside)…If I don’t come back, tell my whore wife to fuck off…

WEDGE AND GPS JUP IN AFTER MUSTACHIO. COLONPOKEY STEPS A FOOT INSIDE THE PORTAL BUT THEN PIGGY PUSHES HIM OUT

The Flying Pig: No Colonpokey…you stay here…someone has to drive the Oinkmobile and get us to New Orleans in time for the game…

Colonpokey: (upset) …but I want to go to Pigzarro too…

THEY LEAVE COLONPOKEY BEHIND…EH…HE ORDINARILY PREFERS IT BEHIND. THE FIVE REMAINING GUYS FLOAT INSIDE THE PORTAL. THEY FINALLY LAND ON THE GROUND

Wedge: Where are we?

The Flying Pig: This is Pigzarro…

Mustachio: Look at all that ham over there.

The Flying Pig: Oh, that’s the crew to Sunday Morning Countdown on ESPN

Psychic GPS: They are all pigs???

The Flying Pig: Of course they are…In Pigzarro, pigs rule the universe…the way it oinking should be! So all the experts are pigs…But for my taste there are one too many talking heads on this show…a whole lot of squealing and oinking…but very little substance…take a look at this…it’s the Oink and Oink in the morning…they are probably talking about the Dolphins (sigh)…again…

Oink Golic: I really don’t see the Saints New Orleans beating the Dolphins Miami this Monday…

Oink Greenberg: I can’t argue with you there…The Dolphins Miami are clearly the best team in the NFL…year after year…they amaze me…

The Flying Pig: (whispering to the others) You see in Pigzarro, all the “experts” are required to Oink the truth about the Dolphins…no biases no agendas…just Dolphin love! In our reality they fear the Dolphins. They cannot deny their greatness…but they won’t admit it, having been burned by the Dolphins in the past, they bury it deep in their own subconscious…some of the “experts” in our reality have buried their love of the Dolphins so deep, they don’t even remember anything about the Dolphins…

Oink Golic: The Saints New Orleans are giving up 5.3 yards per rush. I expect the Dolphins Miami to exploit that. The Saints New Orleans have given up 10 sacks this year. I expect the Dolphins Miami to exploit that too!

Oink Greenberg: Its hard to believe anyone would predict the Saints New Orleans to win…but we have a guest in the studio today…A guy who used to play for the Patriots New England, so if anyone is going to pick against the Dolphins Miami, it’s a former Patriot right? Please welcome Teddy Bratwurst former NFL linebacker…

Teddy Bratwurst: Thanks for having me pigs…but I am going to disappoint you…no way I am picking against Dolphins Miami…they are just too hard to beat…

The Flying Pig: (whispering to the others) Pigzarro is a parallel universe. Time hasn’t changed at all, and many things are exactly alike, for example Bruschi playing for the Patriots

Teddy Bratwurst: I have always been a little envious of that franchise, unlike the Patriots they didn’t cheat to win…what an embarrassment…I don’t know how I can live with myself after playing for Patriots New England…fucking cheaters…

Oink Golic: Hey watch the Oinks around here…this is a family show…

Oink Greenberg: The Dolphins Miami have always been one step ahead of the other franchise…take Nick Saban…

The Flying Pig: (whispering to the others) In Pigzarro something are exactly like they are in our dimension…

Oink Golic: Good example. Despite Saban’s begging to be their coach the Dolphins Miami showed the foresight to know he wasn’t serious about the NFL, could not hack it in the NFL and would skip town to go back to College…so they refused to hire him…

The Flying Pig: (whispering to the others) and some things are a little different…

Teddy Bratwurst: And after Goodell Commissioner barred Bill Belichick for spygate, the Patriots New England hired Saban, who promptly left them to go back to College….that asshole…

Oink Golic: That was two years before Saban died…

Oink Greenberg: Yep…from an infection he acquired after eating his own genital warts…

The Flying Pig: (whispering to the others)…and some things are a just disgusting…(Piggy farts) Enough of these guys. Squiggly Tail Billick is about to release his new Power Rankings

Squiggly Tail Billick: Guess who is the number one team in this week’s Power Ranking? (laughing) Okay…okay…not a lot of suspense on this one…same as always Dolphins Miami are #1. I don’t know who can beat these guys

RANK TEAM COMMENTS
#1 Dolphins Miami Every other team fears their Oinks
#2-#31 Almost everyone else Avoiding the Dolphins Miami as long as they can
#32 Jaguars Jacksonville Henne

Psychic GPS: This place is so different…so the experts actually really respect the Dolphins?

The Flying Pig: Yes they do…they just fear being embarrassed publicly. So they keep picking powerhouses from the prior year…

Wedge: I love this place…they are so honest…but does anyone else feel anything crawling up their leg?

The Little Prawn: “……”

Psychic GPS: Um…no…

The Flying Pig: Must be some sort of nervous reaction to the dimension traveling Wedge…just ignore it…Let’s try the OFL Network

Mustachio: “O”? Let me guess Oink Football Network

The Flying Pig: No…don’t be silly…Oinking Football Network (shaking his head)

Trotters Sanders: I’m expecting a 20 point win by the Dolphins Miami on Monday Night

Snort Irivin: (snorting) 20? Why so conservative? 30 points! What? Oh looks like our producers are asking us to talk about a different team?

Trotters Sanders: Why?

Snort Irivin: (snorting) I don’t know…Cowboys Dallas? What?

Trotters Sanders: There is a team in Dallas?

The Flying Pig: Okay…enough of that…let’s see what a fantasy “expert” has to say

PorkChop Silva: I have little to offer…I’m a duchebag in every dimension…give me some gonads for my mouth…

The Flying Pig: Okay…that might be a bit too honest…

Psychic GPS: I wish we could stay in Pigzarro forever…

Wedge: Its great here…but I feel kind of weird

The Little Prawn: “……”

Mustachio: This is paradise…how can you feel weird?

Wedge: I don’t know like something is inside me…like I am constipated or something…

The Flying Pig: I hear giggling coming from your shorts…

Psychic GPS: Hey…wait a second…take off your pants Wedge…

Wedge: Um…shouldn’t you buy me a drink or something first?

Psychic GPS: No…its not what you think (ripping off Wedge’s pants)

COLONPOKEY FALLS OUT OF WEDGE’S PANTS

Colonpokey: Hey guys! What’s up? I love Pigzarro…we should never go back!

The Flying Pig: Colonpokey! if you are here, who is driving the Oinkmobile?

SUDDENLY THE ENTIRE DIMENSION SHAKES AS IF THERE WAS AN EARTHQUAKE

Colonpokey: oops…