The Porcine Oddssey #97: A Dolphins Carol, Dolphins @ Redskins

PiggyToiletRedskins

The Porcine Oddyssey #97:  

A Dolphins Carol,

Dolphins at Redskins

(Piggy tucks himself into bed)

The Flying Pig:  (to himself as he closes his eyes)  Its almost game day.  What a great offseason the Dolphins had…Well of course we had a great offseason.

We have Ryan Tannehill.  He was the obvious pick for the Dolphins in 2012.  Since the Dolphins drafted him in PiggyDreamsTanny2012 it was basically a foregone conclusion the Dolphins would be competing to be a contender eventually.  And here we are, on the eve of the 2015 season.  I can’t wait to fall asleep and dream about the 2015 season.  We are going to the Super Bowl!  Football is so predictable…

A Voice:  Piggy….

The Flying Pig:  What was that?

A Voice:  Piggy…open your eyes…

The Flying Pig:  Who said that (opening his eyes and getting out of bed)

A Voice:  I said it Piggy…look at me…I am the Ghost of Ryan Tannehill

GhostOfTanny

The Flying Pig:  The Ghost of Ryan Tannehill?!?!  It can’t be!  Ryan Tannehill is alive and well and the quarterback of the Miami Dolphins!

The Ghost of Ryan Tannehill:  Don’t worry yourself with technicalities Piggy…you had 8 beers before you went to bed.

The Flying Pig: Well…I’m under a lot of stress with the start of the NFL season and all…

The Ghost of Ryan Tannehill: You think it was destiny Piggy?   You think the Dolphins only had eyes for me and there were no other QBs the Dolphins might pick in 2012?

The Flying Pig:  Well Yeah…

The Ghost of Ryan Tannehill: Foolish Pork!  The 2012 draft could have been a disaster for the Dolphins!

The Flying Pig: No way!  Ryan Tannehill born to be a Dolphin.  We saved our disasters for the 2nd and 3rd round in those years.  Besides there was no other realistic option for the Dolphins…

The Ghost of Ryan Tannehill: Before you wake tomorrow, you will be visited by 3 ghosts….(he floats away)

The Flying Pig: (Piggy pulls the covers over himself)  I’m never drinking stout beer again…

SUDDENLY THERE IS A SCRATCHING SOUND AT THE DOOR.  PIGGY GOES TO THE DOOR OUT OF CURIOSITY.  

THERE IS MORE SCRATCHING AND A WHINING SOUND.

PIGGY OPENS THE DOOR AND A PUPPY IS AT THE DOOR.

16 week old Golden Retriever puppy scratching fleas with leg in motion on a white background

The Puppy:  Piggy…I am RG Flea

The Flying Pig:  Oh…you are  cute little guy  (scratching him behind the ear)

RG Flea:  I am here to tell you about the past…well April 2012 to be exact…

The Flying Pig:  You mean when we drafted Tanny?

RG3draft

RG Flea:  (licking Piggy’s face)  Yep…but you could have drafted RGIII instead.

The Flying Pig:  (pushing the puppy away)  awww…stop it now….we weren’t stupid enough to draft that bust…

RG Flea:  Piggy, once upon a time in April 2012, there was a legitimate debate as to who should be the #1 pick in the draft:  Andrew Luck or RGIII.

The Flying Pig:  No Tanny?

RG Flea:  No…but there were rumors that three teams would consider trading to the #2 spot in the draft to take whomever was left…the Browns, The Redskins and your Dolphins…

The Flying Pig:  What?  Stupid Puppy!  Do you have brain damage.  What did Michael Vick do to you?  (shaking the puppy)  What did Vick do to you?!?!

TannyDraft

RG Flea:  No its true Piggy…all of it…RGIII had a rocket arm and ran a 4.41 at the combine.  He was an All American at Baylor in football and track!  And it seems the draft hype carried into his rookie year.  He was named offensive rookie of the year in 2012 and helped make the read option a fashionable play.

But the Dolphins made the mistake of not trading up for RGIII and settled on Ryan Tannehill, a wide receiver!

DolphinsSlippers

The Flying Pig:  Settled!  Stupid Puppy…get out of my house.  (dragging the puppy by the collar to the door)  I have heard enough of your barks.  (He opens the door and throws the puppy out of the house)

RG Flea:  And one more thing…sorry…

The Flying Pig:  Sorry…for what?

RG Flea:  Sorry I pooped in your slippers…

The Flying Pig:  Damnit!

THERE IS ANOTHER KNOCK AT THE DOOR

The Flying Pig: Go away Puppy!

THE KNOCK CONTINUES AND PIGGY OPENS THE DOOR TO YELL AT THE PUPPY.  BUT THE PUPPY ISN’T THERE ANYMORE.  THIS TIME A BROKEN TEA CUP IS THERE.  

RGTea

RG Tea:  Piggy…do you know how much the Redskins gave up for RG III?    Four picks!  Their first round picks in 2012, 2013 and 2014 and a second round pick in 2012.  Ouch!

The Flying Pig:  What happened to you teacup?  You are broken?

RG Tea:  Do you know how many 1st round offensive line men the Redskins took on day 1 of the draft since Griffin…zero!  This is what happens when you ignore the offensive line!

The Flying Pig: Oh…

RG#Oops1

RG Tea:  And no weapons either…meanwhile the Colts selected Coby Fleener, Dwayne Allen and TY Hilton in 2012 to play with Andrew Luck.

The Flying Pig:  And the Dolphins selected Jonathan Martin and Michael Egnew (Piggy makes a farting sound)

RG Tea: Well…okay it didn’t work out so well in 2012 after Tannehill with the first pick.  But the Dolphins eventually may have fixed that and they also acquired Olivier Vernon, Lamar Miller and Rishard Matthews in 2012 as well..Meanwhile the Redskins…well presently they look like shit…And that’s why I’m here to tell you about the present.

RG3oops2

The Flying Pig:  I will tell you about the present!  Ryan Tannehill is gonna surpass his numbers from 2014.

RG Tea:  He might…he is gonna have to pass for 4,000 yards for a second consecutive year to do it…but he might..while that happens RG III has become a diva quarterback who can’t stay healthy, runs before throwing and won’t play another down for the Redskins.  The Redskins have named Kirk Cousins as their #1 QB and Colt McCoy as their #2 QB.

The Flying Pig: Kirk Cousins is going to be eaten alive on Sunday! Growl!!!

RG Tea: He might be, not only are the Redskins down a Quarterback, they are down three other starters with those extra draft picks they gave up. Those picks could have been offensive linemen. Instead the Redskins offensive line looked like garbage in the preseason…There is no future for RGIII behind that Oline…but don’t listen to me talk about the future,  Let RG Me tell you about the future…

Mirror

The Flying Pig:  Who?

RG Me:  He said RG Me Piggy…that’s me!

The Flying Pig:  But you are a mirror?

RG Me:  That’s right.  Who better to describe the future of a narcissistic diva than a mirror.   While the media and fans were ignoring Ryan Tannehill, RG III was racking up endorsements with Adidas, Castro Motor Oil, EA Sports, Subway and Gatorade…He was a marketing monster.  So I’m sure he stashed away a ton of money so it doesn’t matter what happens to his NFL career

The Flying Pig: Meanwhile Ryan Tannehill was working on his game.

RG Me:  That’s right Piggy…but it could have been the Dolphins instead of the Redskins…

RGMe

The Flying Pig:  No…you are lying…not even Jeff Ireland…

RG Me:  No Piggy…I am telling the truth…Look deeper into me and see it…

The Flying Pig:  No I won’t…but I guess I should look a little….(staring into the mirror)  SQUEAL SQUEAL!!! What is it..  What the fuck happened to my teeth?!?!

RG Me:  Look at it Piggy.  This is what you could have been.  An RGIII fan!  Saying things like ” When we get RGIII back” or “this offense is a bad fit for him” or “at least he is fun to play in Madden”

The Flying Pig:  No!  SQUEAL SQUEAL SQUEAL!!!  Take me back.  Take me to reality!  I want Tanny as my QB!  I want Tanny as my QB!

PIGGY WAKES UP AND IT IS GAMEDAY.  HE PUTS ON HIS TANNEHILL JERSEY AND SPITS ON HIS DION JORDAN JERSEY.  

LETS GO DOLPHINS!!!Sep 14, 2014; Landover, MD, USA; Washington Redskins quarterback Kirk Cousins (8) runs off the filed after the game against the Jacksonville Jaguars at FedEx Field. The Redskins won 41-10. Mandatory Credit: Geoff Burke-USA TODAY Sports

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285 Responses to The Porcine Oddssey #97: A Dolphins Carol, Dolphins @ Redskins

  1. ocalahowie says:

    Piggy I have us in a close one too
    But a late blocked punt by Reshad Jones near the goal line leads to 7 points for Miami
    Or is it a forced fumble
    The vision isnt very clear yet…
    GO PHINS!!!

  2. getterdone says:

    Jonas Gray was back in the locker room at the Doctors Hospital Training Facility at Nova Southeastern University on Wednesday, and he’s looking forward to showing he’s a different running back than the one who was in Dolphins training camp two summers ago.

    “It’s a little bit different, a different feel,” Gray said. “I got some game time under my belt. But it’s nice to be back. I’m familiar with the organization and I’m glad to be here, hopefully do everything I can to help the team be successful on and off the field.

    “I’m definitely a more mature player. I’ve learned a lot, growth as a player and as an individual. Just smarter all around and a better pro.”

    Gray was signed to the practice squad Wednesday, three days after he was waived by the New England Patriots.

    After being waived by the Dolphins in 2013, Gray joined the Baltimore Ravens practice squad that season before signing with New England the following January. Gray began last season on the Patriots practice squad before being activated in October.

    In his fourth NFL game, Gray had a night to remember against the Indianapolis Colts, rushing for 201 yards and four touchdowns.

    His role diminished after that game, although he did gain 62 rushing yards against the Dolphins in December.

    When training camp started this summer, Gray actually was expected to compete for a starting job.

    “I was shocked, but at the same time I can’t blame them,” Gray said. “They’ve got to do what they think is best for the team. I was surprised. I thought I did everything I can to earn a roster spot — not only earn a roster spot, but earn a starting spot. But it didn’t work out my way. I’m excited to be here and excited to be employed.

    “The most exciting part is to come back here and see some of these familiar faces and to kind of show them how I’ve grown as a player and as a person. I’m excited. Excited to work.”

    In his one preseason with the Dolphins in 2013, Gray rushed for 107 yards and had two touchdowns in a game against Jacksonville but slowed down after a strong start and was released.

    He did, however, leave a good impression on his coaches.

    “He’s a good football player,” Head Coach Joe Philbin said. “He’s obviously had production since he left us. We like his body type. We think he’s a good scheme fit. He likes football. He was a hard worker the last time he was here. I think he’s a good football player. Glad to have him back.”

  3. herdfan says:

    Rockphin says:
    September 9, 2015 at 5:27 pm (Edit)

    Just a note to the editors and contributors on this site. As an iPhone user I find it very difficult to get to the comment section when there is a large picture at the bottom of the post. I try to click the comments in the thumb always clicks the picture three or four times in a row and then I can get in. If you put some sentence or some sort of text below the last picture it creates enough separation where the foam can hit the comments and not the picture.
    Reply

    Rockphin says:
    September 9, 2015 at 5:29 pm (Edit)

    Thumb not foam

    I think the problem may be with your thumbs since I have an iphone as well but no issues. Do you have thumbs like Meghan Fox, my mom and ffr’s daughter? 2 suggestions…1, if you click on the first comment in the ‘Recent Comments’ section in the sidebar, it will take you to that comment, which should be the last comment that’s been made. We can call this the avoidance maneuver. OR 2nd. Enlarge the image a bit, so you can clearly click to open the comments at the bottom of the post rather than clicking the image over and over. We can call this the go big or go home maneuver. Hope that helps. 🙂

  4. steveccnv says:

    I’m getting a little peaved at the national media listening to omar and Walker saying, we’re paper thin. Maybe on the Oline, but would could handle 2 or 3 injuries to the Oline and still function enough to win, with RTs newfound pocket presence. Take out 2 LBs and insert Vigil and McCain and we’re still a top D, as well as a couple of DBs.

    Where are we thin, the bottom third of the roster, from 60-90?

    • getterdone says:

      Good, let the lamestreet media mislead the masses while we Phins clean up with our own superior knowledge. 😀

    • steveccnv says:

      With that said, does anyone feel we have scrubs on the bottom of the 53, and if so who? Kovacs? He is solid at best, but you gotta have a backup that can contribute, if an injury happens, and that’s why I guess they took him over Ced.

      • son of a son of a shula says:

        I think we are as deep as we’ve been in a very long time and I think we have as deep a roster as anyone else.

  5. getterdone says:

    steveccnv says:
    September 9, 2015 at 6:17 pm
    With Ajayi out 8 weeks why isn’t he on the 53? After the first RB injury in the league he’ll get poached.
    Reply

    I thought the same, but guess they want to give the other 3 RB’s a chance in week 1, plus it’ll take a couple weeks for Gray to be up to speed on the playbook and signals.

  6. son of a son of a shula says:

    Shut the Fuck up Brandon Marshall you big fucking baby, instigator and idiot.

    • steveccnv says:

      He can talk all he wants, now that he’s on the jets. I despise anyone playing the racial card, but since it’s brady I’ll let it slide 😉

      • son of a son of a shula says:

        In the sense that he’s a stej and he’s talking about Marsha I see but there is no need for the crap he’s trying to propogate

  7. son of a son of a shula says:

    This time this is for Brandon (as well as Kanye)

  8. steveccnv says:

    Back in the early ’90s with JJ in Dallas they used to start every game off 21-0, 17-0, before the opponent knew what hit them. I expect us to start this yr the same way.

  9. steveccnv says:

    James Walker
    ESPN Staff Writer

    Redskins coach Jay Gruden said on the conference call the right side of his offensive line may need extra help blocking Dolphins defensive tackle Ndamukong Suh and defensive end Cameron Wake.
    —————
    Understatement of the yr.

    • steveccnv says:

      And in the same fashion:

      James Walker
      ESPN Staff Writer

      Redskins coach Jay Gruden said the Dolphins’ Ryan Tannehill may be one of the most improved quarterbacks in the NFL.

    • jetsssuck says:

      i wonder if that means they are going to put a back on that side to block maybe just keep in the TE to block. Maybe bring in extra OL?

  10. ocalahowie says:

    Rock I dont think its a D touchdown or Special teams. Near the goal line but the Ofense gets it in on the 1st play
    GDP yes been fuzzy since my mid teens but I also cant hardly read the little stuff since my mid 40’s

  11. getterdone says:

    LAST WORD

    “I’d love to answer that, but I can’t answer that. It’s a private topic and that’s where I’ll keep it.” — DT Ndamukong Suh on his weekly preparation for a regular season game.
    ___________________

    In other words……..

  12. steveccnv says:

    getterdone says:

    September 9, 2015 at 12:24 pm

    Al,
    Thanks, but actually I was surprised at how nice all the ‘ghetto’ peeps were in Savannah. Lots of, in fact most all the lil bars had rock n roll or blues going on with live bands.
    Was great to see such well behaved whites & blacks all enjoying themselves.
    We covered most of the cities on bike, which is a very kool way to do it & to get around….covered a lot of ground, and the freedom was awesome.
    ————————–
    PBS just had a program on about riding a bike around Savannah, it looked pretty cool.

    • Try Pod says:

      Savannah is an odd city, without a doubt, but it has tremendous history and the people are very nice. I like the place.

    • getterdone says:

      It was the shnizzle…lol
      Lots to see of the historical monuments, architecture of buildings, houses, and store fronts. The brick roads were challenging enough, but the real 17th-18th century large cobblestone streets were leg burners. Most people stayed off them, but me and girlfriend went all X Games on them…lol

      After tiring of that we rode around drinkin pints at just about any street pub we could find…biking beats bar crawl walking anytime….adds levels of danger. 😉

      • Try Pod says:

        Did you go to the pirate House and explore the underground?

      • getterdone says:

        a quick stop there, but also saw other neat underground dwellings, places, around the area….lots of ingenious thought way back when it was built.

  13. getterdone says:
  14. Tim Knight says:

    I think what we’re going to see during the season is the DBs fall into place based on performance and that’s how we’re going to find our main secondary. Lots of young players and new guys so it will work itself out in time. Not sure it’s set in stone just yet.

  15. finfanrob says:

    ‘Understatement of the yr.’

    lol, sure would be nice to play a couple of games first to find out if it is

  16. finfanrob says:

    BREAKING NEWS:

    Judge Richard Berman has re-instated the brady suspension adding an additional 12 games. “When I made my original ruling I forgot the fins signed Suh, They already won the SB, so need to actually play the games”

  17. finfanrob says:

    LOL, this is starting to read like a jets blog before a season starts

  18. finfanrob says:

    Tim Knight says:
    September 9, 2015 at 7:49 pm

    What do you mean?

    Pay attention. what did you do, let me guess, you took another hit of RGIII didnt you.

  19. Rockphin says:

    Herd, my thumbs are perfectly proportionate thank you very much! I just have a little larger than average hands and my big proportionate thumbs are too big for the little letters on the key board. LOL Besides, those pictures of Megan Fox’s thumbs were photo shopped.

  20. Rockphin says:

    Old rock star you know the other one, the one that’s been dead for years…Keith RIchards?

  21. manitobafinfan says:

    Mike e has pick # 1

  22. ocalahowie says:

    Afternoon Update
    DOLPHINS-REDSKINS
    Old 27-10 MIA
    TryPod 38-10MIA
    MikeE 30-6 MIA
    Herd 31-10 MIA
    Ken 27-13 MIA
    ALinMIA31-13MIA
    Cav 30-13 MIA
    Howie 24-19 MIA
    CCNV 31-3 MIA
    GDP 34-12 MIA
    BrianNY37-13MIA
    Boulder24-17MIA
    Wyo 28-9 MIA
    Stang 21-17 MIA
    Rock 24-16 MIA
    Book 35-13 MIA
    NewAge34-13MIA
    Toba 41-13 MIA
    Dog 41-3 MIA
    Knight 38-13 MIA
    Naples35-10 MIA
    Springs24-10MIA
    Realist 20-16MIA
    Son 24-0 MIA
    Dito 38-3 MIA
    Piggy 24-23 MIA
    drg 23-13 MIA
    GO PHINS!!!

  23. getterdone says:

    WTF, why am I last in every round???

  24. BoulderPhinfan says:

    I’m so excited about sunday I can barely keep focus at work. go phins!

  25. manitobafinfan says:

    Nah its cause the commish is an asshole

  26. Tim Knight says:

    I don’t see anyone here being overly crazy about this team other than being excited we might finally be a good team.

  27. Tim Knight says:

    Cespedes does it again. Met’s down 2-1 in the 8th Kelly Johnson homers to tie it and then Cespedes hits a 2 run homer to go up 4-2. Crazy 🙂

  28. finfanrob says:

    Tim Knight says:
    September 9, 2015 at 9:14 pm

    I don’t see anyone here being overly crazy about this team other than being excited we might finally be a good team.

    come on tim. if any topic is non factual and totally opinionated it is this one. it isnt even worth getting into. i think some have been, but i was nothing more then busting balls. if it was all doom and gloom on here i would bust balls also.

    • Tim Knight says:

      Yeah not worth the discussion. Nothing wrong with finally thinking your team might be good. I don’t see what you’re seeing outside of a few comments here and there. I’m still guarded until I see it like with the Mets. Two straight sweeps of the Nats and 7 games up with 23 to play. 🙂

  29. ocalahowie says:

    Did somebody say somthing about Baseball
    HELL weve got Stanton, Marteen Prado, Ichiro, Dee Gordon, Jose Fernadez, and we are 51-87
    GO MARLINS!!!

  30. getterdone says:

    Last Call…got 12, would like a few more, as much as 20 players:

    Join our FREE 10th Annual Yahoo Pro Pick’em for serious playa’s!
    Great group of pickers in this office pool format league each year.
    It is not fantasy football!

    Just quickly pick the winners for each week, MNF total points is the tiebreaker.
    http://football.fantasysports.yahoo.com/pickem

    Several guys from the blog have already joined. Come on in, the water is fine.

    Pigskin Pick’n & BeerHogs

    serious pickers only:
    Group ID# 32074
    Password: beer

    See you playa’s on the Gridiron!

  31. finfanrob says:

    manitobafinfan says:
    September 9, 2015 at 8:21 pm

    Mike e has pick # 1

    yeah and we aaaaaalllllllllllllllllllll, know how mike got it.

  32. finfanrob says:

    ‘ I don’t see what you’re seeing outside of a few comments here and there.’

    tim, there are several on here who in my opinion seem super excited. and not saying anything is wrong with that. again i was busting balls. not like this place would be fun if we were the bucs.

  33. son of a son of a shula says:

    “tim, there are several on here who in my opinion seem super excited. ”

    Guilty.

    Suh is here, everything is different now!

  34. steveccnv says:

    Rockphin says:

    September 9, 2015 at 4:04 pm

    https://www.profootballfocus.com/blog/2015/09/09/ranking-all-32-nfl-starting-qbs/

    PFF Puts Tannehill in the Tier two of QB’s in the league and I cannot find any issue with what they say or how they slot the QB’s in front of him and behind him. (They have him as the 11th best)
    ——————————-

    I can, this article was written by someone that hasn’t even noticed what RT has done in the offseason. His pocket presence is now top notch, as is his accuracy on short and medium passes. Dude said he’ll have better stats this yr, but it won’t be because he’s any better.

    Rock, you can’t find anything wrong with that?

    • Tim Knight says:

      He’s moving his feet better which is something he wanted to do, I noticed it this offseason. Let all the fantasy goofs bark. LOL

      RT was the 11th highest scorer in our league last year. I have Aaron Rodgers in my league who is #1. RT’s made major strides. Keep denying it division dolts. LOL

    • D says:

      I think he has really improve his pocket presence but its no where near top notch. I saw tons of times in preseason that he had enormous open space in front of him and he stayed in the very back of the pocket while the DE kept coming around and eventually got pressure in him from the back. He should be feeling that and stepping up. This isn’t to say he isn’t going to have a good year or that he isn’t improved, he just has to have more work.

      • Tim Knight says:

        Who’s open, maybe nobody? There are two parts to a passing game. We seem to always look at the QB only. Kind of weird when you think about it.

  35. Tim Knight says:

    The Mets have to go like 10-13 which isn’t who they are and the Nats have to go 18-5 which isn’t who they are to take them over. The 7.0 game lead is huge! Don’t blow it! 🙂

    I really want to see the Dolphins have that same kind of takeover year. 🙂

  36. The Flying Pig says:

    This is the holy roller that caused a rule change

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