PIGGY, STILL IN THE REVIS JACKET, IS IN THE VIDEOROOM WITH NURSE RATCHET. BUT THIS TIME NURSE RATCHET IS IN THE CHAIR FACING THE SCREEN. PIGGY IS FASTENING A BELT AROUND HER LEFT ARM WITH HIS SNOUT. HER LEGS AND RIGHT ARM ARE ALREADY FASTENED SO SHE CANNOT MOVE.
The Flying Pig: Now the tables are turned you bitch! I will never be a Jests fans…NEVER!
Nurse Ratchet: Cromartie #61, you release me this instant!
The Flying Pig: eh…nope…
Nurse Ratchet: I said release me, or else…
The Flying Pig: sorry, no comprende…here watch this video
Nurse Ratchet: Noooooooooooo….Cromartie #61….I mean Piggy…Piggy please let me go…please Piggy.
The Flying Pig: Sorry can’t help you. Enjoy!
Nurse Ratchet: Stop it please…I’m melting…I’m melting…
The Flying Pig: Yuk.
PIGGY, WALKS OUT OF HE DOOR OF THE VIDEO ROOM INTO THE HALL. NURSE RATCHET IS MELTING BEHIND HIM AS HE CLOSES THE DOOR. PIGGY WALKS DOWN THE HALL WHERE HE FINDS COLONPOKEY IN THE CORNER.
Colonpokey: (sniffle sniffle) NO!
The Flying Pig: Colonpokey you ARE crying.
The Flying Pig: Why are you crying Colonpokey?
Colonpokey: My life is miserable. Sanchez doesn’t even remember me…(sniffle sniffle)
The Flying Pig: Oh come on Colonpokey its not so bad. Look at your life compared to mine. I’m a die hard Dolphan! But I’m stuck here with Doctor-touch-a-foot and a bunch of Cromarties that are basically zombies…I hate the Jests. I hate it here and I am never getting out! Now I am crying.
The Flying Pig: This damn Revis Jacket! My wings are inside the jacket!
Colonpokey: Just pick the lock Piggy.
The Flying Pig: Um…I don’t know how to do that…
Colonpokey: I do! Remember that bobby pin I brought in to you. (holding the bobby pin in the air)
The Flying Pig: Colonpokey! Pick the locks on the jacket!
Colonpokey: Okay. I learned how to do this while I was in jail. I was in this guy’s butt and he told me about all the ways he picked locks to burglarize homes.
COLONPOKEY QUICKLY PICKS THE LOCK ON THE BACK OF THE JACKET AND RELEASES PIGGY FROM THE JACKET.
The Flying Pig: Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
PIGGY FLAPS HIS WINGS AND LEAPS UP BUT HE FALLS RIGHT BACK TO THE GROUND.
The Flying Pig: I can’t fly.
Colonpokey: Maybe you gained a couple of pounds…maybe it was that cupcake I
The Flying Pig: Its my wings, they haven’t been used for weeks. They are too weak to carry me. I have to regain my strength. Besides I’m not fat! Um, did you say you were in jail?
Colonpokey: Whatever you say Piggy (laughing) So I guess you can’t just fly out of this place.
The Flying Pig: I have to get out of this place. There has got to be a better way…
Colonpokey: When I was in jail, I knew this guy who dug his way out of the prison, he showed me how while I was in his butt…
The Flying Pig: Again with the Jail stories…How long were you there?
Colonpokey: Heehee. Until I escaped….the second time anyway…
The Flying Pig: Second time?
Colonpokey: Piggy, pay attention! You can get out of here with this.
COLONPOKEY HOLDS UP A SMALL ROCK HAMMER.
The Flying Pig: Colonpokey, that is so small. It will take me forever to tunnel out of here.
Colonpokey: Piggy, all you have is time…
The Flying Pig: I guess you are right (chipping at the floor with the rock hammer)
Colonpokey: Dig Pig. Dig like you are deep inside…
The Flying Pig: (interrupting) I can do without the encouragement this time Colonpokey. Hey, I got something here. Its like a large space beneath me. (Moving away chunks of broken concrete with his front trotters)
SUDDENLY THE FLOOR OPENS UP AND PIGGY FALLS.
The Flying Pig: Ooooooink (falling)
Colonpokey: (looking through the large hole in the floor) Piggy?
The Flying Pig: (on the ground getting up) Oops. We were on the 2nd floor of the facility. Should have thought that one through…
COLONPOKEY JUMPS DOWN TO THE FIRST FLOOR TO JOIN PIGGY.
Colonpokey: What are you waiting for Piggy? We are on the first floor now
PIGGY BEGINS TO CHIP AT THE FLOOR AGAIN WITH THE ROCK HAMMER.
The Flying Pig: Hey, I got something here. Its like a large space beneath me. (Moving away chunks of broken concrete with his front trotters)
Colonpokey: Sounds familiar….
The Flying Pig: Oooooooooooink (falling through the floor again).
Colonpokey: (looking through the hole in the floor) Piggy?
The Flying Pig: Shit! What are the chances – we were right above the basement???
COLONPOKEY JUMPS DOWN TO THE BASEMENT TO JOIN PIGGY.
Colonpokey: Well, what are you waiting for. What could be beneath us now?
The Flying Pig: China….
PIGGY BEGINS TO CHIP AT THE FLOOR AGAIN WITH THE ROCK HAMMER THIS TIME THERE IS NO OPEN HOLE. PIGGY SQUEEZES THROUGH THE HOLE HE CREATED AND CONTINUES TO DIG.
Morgan Freeman’s Voiceover: Andy…I mean Piggy, crawled through five hundred yards of shit smelling foulness I can’t even imagine, or maybe I just don’t want to. Five hundred yards… that’s the length of five football fields, just shy of half a mile. Unfortunately pigs do not have a very good sense of direction and Piggy tunneled in circles beneath the facility floor, over and over again…stupid pig…
The Flying Pig: (popping his head out of the floor) FREEDOM!!!
Colonpokey: Um…hi Piggy.
The Flying Pig: (disappointed) What the fuck…
Wally Headbutter: Hey Piggy what are you doing here?
WALLY HEADBUTTER WALKS IN THE ROOM. HE IS EATING A SANDWICH.
The Flying Pig: I’m trying to escape? What are you doing in the basement?
Wally Heabutter: I drew laundry duty after the Namath treatment…it sucks. Escape??? Why don’t you just walk out the door?
The Flying Pig: Door?
Colonpokey: Oh! Is that the thing below the exit sign with a knob?
Wally Headbutter: Uh-huh.
The Flying Pig: Door???
Colonpokey: And all the other exit signs lead to the door?
The Flying Pig: Door!!!
Wally Headbutter: it’s actually a fire escape, so all the exit signs lead there.
Colonpokey: And its also designated on the maps on the wall as – quote EXIT unquote.
The Flying Pig: OKAY! I missed that. Lets not rub it in. I’m leaving now who is coming with me.
Wally Headbutter: Can I come? I hate this place.
The Flying Pig: You sure can my Dolphin Brother!
Colonpokey: Me too! I want to leave.
The Flying Pig: (sighing) Eh…okay Colonpokey…
PIGGY, COLONPOKEY AND WALLY HEADBUTTER GO BACK UP TO THE FIRST FLOOR AND BEGIN TO FOLLOW THE EXIT SIGNS UNTIL DR. REX STEPS IN THE HALL. HE HAS A GREEN STAFF WITH A GOLDEN FOOT ON EACH END.
Dr. Rex: Where do you think you are going? You can’t go this way Cromartie #61. You and your friends should turn around now.
The Flying Pig: The name is Piggy! And Piggy is leaving.
Dr. Rex: I will not call you by your porkish name anymore. You are Cromartie #61!
The Flying Pig: (To Wally Headbutter and Colonpokey) Wonder what got into this guy…
Colonpokey: (to Piggy) Let me try. (to Dr. Rex) Look Doctor, there is no use. We just don’t like the Jets. We are leaving.
Dr. Rex: Blasphemy Colonpokey, what has gotten into you. I assume your wife has influenced you…
The Flying Pig: I told you – we are not married! And I’m not the wife! Step aside Dr. Rex!
Dr. Rex: (Slamming the Staff on the Ground) YOU SHALL NOT PASS!
The Flying Pig: Wally, throw your sandwich behind us.
WALLY HEADBUTTER THROWS HIS SANDWICH IN THE CORNER. DR. REX, SALIVATING, TURNS AND LUNGES AT THE SANDWICH AND FALLS TO HIS KNEES CLUTCHING THE SANDWICH. PIGGY, COLONPOKEY AND WALLY HEADBUTTER RUN PAST HIM.
Dr. Rex: A snack. A beautiful snack. Wait…you guys can’t leave. I won’t let you. I will send the other Cromarties after you. Get them Cromarties!
Dr. Rex: And one more thing. Bring out the gimp!
The Flying Pig: (screaming) Run!
PIGGY, COLONPOKEY AND WALLY HEADBUTTER RUN SCREAMING TOWARDS THE EXIT. THE ALOSI MONSTER, WHO IS MUCH FASTER THAN THE CROMARTIES IS CHASING THEM AND THE CROMARTIES ARE BEHIND HIM.
Wally Headbutter: The Alosi Monster is gaining on us!
The Alosi Monster: Alosi! Alosi!
THE ALOSI MONSTER IS SWIPING HIS FEET AT THEIR FEET. HE SWIPES AT PIGGY’S HIND TROTTERS BUT PIGGY LEAPS UP AND GLIDES IN THE AIR LONG ENOUGH TO AVOID THE SWEEP. HE SWEEPS AT WALLY HEADBUTTER AND CATCHES THE BACK OF HIS FOOT, WALLY STUMBLES BUT DOES NOT FALL. THE ALOSI MONSTER SWEEPS AT COLONPOKEY’S LEGS AND CATCHES COLONPOKEY’S LEGS. COLONPOKEY FALLS TO THE GROUND.
Colonpokey: (reaching his arm out at Piggy) Piggy…go without me….
The Flying Pig: Good idea Colonpokey. See you later.
PIGGY AND WALLY HEADBUTTER RUN OUT THE EXIT DOOR AND SHUT IT BEHIND THEM LEAVING COLONPOKEY INSIDE.
Colonpokey: I sort of expected one of them to help me up…
OUTSIDE OF THE EXIT DOOR TO THE FACILITY PIGGY AND WALLY ARE IN A PARKING LOT. THEY ARE HOLDING THE EXIT DOOR CLOSED AND THE CROMARTIES ARE PUSHING IT OPEN.
The Flying Pig: We need to get out of here now.
Wally Headbutter: This parking lot is full of Hess Trucks.
The Flying Pig: Maybe one has the keys in it.
Wally Headbutter: Fat chance. Look a bus stop!
WALLY HEADBUTTER WALKS INTO THE STREET TOWARDS THE BUS STOP.
The Flying Pig: Wally wait. Its not slowing down for you…
The Flying Pig: Yuk…Now I’m all alone…(straining) I can’t hold this door much longer
Colonpokey: you are never alone Piggy.
The Flying Pig: Colonpokey…how did you?
Colonpokey: I snuck out the mail slot in the door…Heehee. Lets go. You can’t hold that door. Lets get one of the cars. I can hotwire it.
The Flying Pig: Hot wire?
Colonpokey: Yeah, the third time I was in jail.
The Flying Pig: Third time?
Colonpokey: I was in this guy’s butt who was in for grandtheft auto. He showed me a few things…heehee. This way towards the silver car behind the truck.
The Flying Pig: Silver car. I didn’t see it behind the trucks. Wow, what’s a Delorean doing in this place?
PIGGY RELEASES THE DOOR AND THE CROMARTIES RUN OUT AFTER COLONPOKEY AND PIGGY INTO THE PARKING LOT.
Colonpokey: Don’t worry they will stop to eat Wally’s remains as we get away…wow that guy did have butter in his head…
THE CROMARTIES GATHER AROUND THE SQUASHED REMAINS OF WALLY HEADBUTTER AND BEGING LICKING THE FLOOR. COLONPOKEY AND PIGGY GET IN THE DELOREAN.
The Flying Pig: Yuk…how did you know they would go for Wally
Colonpokey: its how we got away from the dogs when I escaped the 4th jail I was in.
The Flying Pig: Um…4th jail…A bit of a troubled past Colonpokey
COLONPOKEY HOTWIRES THE DELOREAN.
The Flying Pig: Move over. I’m driving
Colonpokey: Where are we going Piggy? Do you want to go North or South on the road.
The Flying Pig: Roads? Where we are going we don’t need roads.
The Flying Pig: We are going to Buffalo Colonpokey. It’s a shithole.
Morgan Freeman’s Voiceover: Andy…I mean Piggy Flew away. Not with his wings but in the Delorean that Colonpokey helped him steal…fatass flightless pig…