PIGGY IS DRIVING A DELOREAN FLYING IN THE SKY. COLONPOKEY IS IN THE DRIVER’S SEAT PLAYING WITH AN ELECTRONIC DEVICE
Colonpokey: Piggy why do you hate the Bills so much anyway. Its not a very good rivalry.
The Flying Pig: Maybe not now Colonpokey, but once upon a time in the early 90s they were the team that stood between us and the Super Bowl.
Colonpokey: So what. Aren’t you over that.
The Flying Pig: NO! People forget about the days when it was a great rivalry between the teams, so they don’t care anymore, but this Piggy still hates the Bills. If only I could go back in time to the 90s Colonpokey, I would show you.
Colonpokey: Piggy, I don’t feel so good, can you land.
The Flying Pig: No, Colonpokey, we are making good time. What are you doing with the GPS?
Colonpokey: The PSYCHIC GPS…I’m trying to learn my future.
The Flying Pig: Psychic? It’s a Global Position System.
Colonpokey: That tells the future!
The Flying Pig: Tells the future? Colonpokey, don;t you understand, we put our destination in the GPS and it tells us how to get there. Its good for directions to…
Colonpokey: The future! Its Psychic and can give us direction about our life and the future.
The Flying Pig: No. Its like a map. Its satellite technology.
Colonpokey: Heehee, Piggy, you come up with some crazy ideas sometimes. Map…heehee…okay whatever you say you quaint little pig who doesn’t understand psychic powers…there is no such thing as satellites
The Flying Pig: Whatever…
Colonpokey: I’m getting air sick Piggy. I don’t want to puke in the car. Can you land?
The Flying Pig: Colonpokey, I don’t understand how this car works. If I land I may not be able to get it back up again…
Colonpokey: They make pills for that…heehee.
The Flying Pig: I mean I can’t get it in the air again. I hate being grounded. Once my wings get back their strength, I’m not touching the ground.
Colonpokey: …(under his breath) and lose a couple of pounds.
The Flying Pig: What?
Colonpokey: Oh, nothing Piggy, I’m just don’t feel well. I’m sick. Can we please land….(gagging).
The Flying Pig: Okay fine. I will just land on the highway.
THE DELOREAN LANDS ON THE HIGHWAY AND BEGINS MOVING NORTH ON ITS WHEELS.
Colonpokey: What is that smell? It smells like a sewer.
The Flying Pig: That’sBuffalo. We must be close.
Psychic GPS: You are approximately 25 miles from Buffalo.
Colonpokey: It speaks!
Psychic GPS: You will arrive in Buffalo in approximately 20 minutes.
Colonpokey: How does it know that? Psychic powers are amazing!
The Flying Pig: Its not psychic. Its an electronic tracking device you stupid rodent.
Colonpokey: I’m going to see what else it knows. Psychic GPS, will I ever find love again.
Psychic GPS: Turn left.
Colonpokey: (Turning to his left and looking at Piggy) Piggy?
The Flying Pig: Don’t even think about it Colonpokey! I’m just making a left turn.
Colonpokey: (sighing in relief) That is a relief….ewww.
The Flying Pig: Wait a second, what do you mean by “ewww”.
Colonpokey: Nothing fatty…I mean Piggy. Let me try again. (shaking the GPS) When will I find true love Psychic GPS?
Psychic GPS: (In an electronic voice) Ouch!
The Flying Pig: Stop shaking the GPS you idiot, you are going to break it. Its not a magic 8 ball!
Psychic GPS: Turn right.
The Flying Pig: Now you messed it up, there is no right turn to make.
Colonpokey: No look, Piggy, up ahead on the right…my true love…
The Flying Pig: What? The hitchhiker.
Colonpokey: Stop being so judgmental fatt…er…Piggy. Pull over and pick him up.
The Flying Pig: Are you kidding me Colonpokey. You can’t believe that…
Colonpokey: Piggy…its my destiny.
The Flying Pig: (laughing) okay Colonpokey. But If this hitchhiker is a serial killer, eh, just watch him closely.
THE DELOREAN PULLS OVER NEXT TO THE HITCHIKER AND COLONPOKEY LOWERS THE WINDOW.
Colonpokey: (to the hitchhiker) Where are you going?
The Flying Pig: …wait a second Colonpokey…
Berman Gigolo: (getting inside the Delorean) Whooop Whooop. Lets go.
Colonpokey: What kind of service do you do at the local establishments.
Berman Gigolo: (wiping his mouth) Oh, all sort of odd jobs. In return they let me pick the Bills to go to the Super Bowl each year. Nobody circles the wagons like the….
The Flying Pig: (interrupting).…I think we get the point. What do you mean, “let you pick the Bills”.
Berman Gigolo: This just in, I like to pick the Bills to go to the Super Bowl…Whoop Whoop.
The Flying Pig: Colonpokey, I can’t handle this guy.
Colonpokey: (whispering) Psychic GPS was wrong. He is pretty annoying. I hate him.
The Flying Pig: Probably was not a good idea to shake it dumbass…
Berman Gigolo: Did you say Psychic…let me tell you about the Swami…
Psychic GPS: In approximately 2 minutes Piggy, will stick a pencil in his ear to stop the pain.
The Flying Pig: Just shut up Berman!
Psychic GPS: There is another vehicle which is coming dangerously close to your vehicle.
The Flying Pig: What? Why is that car coming so close to us?
Colonpokey: Is that a car or a buggy?
Colonpokey: It’s the Alosi Monster! Speed up Piggy, he is coming after us! SCREAAAAM!
The Flying Pig: SQUEEEEEAAAAAAALL
Psychic GPS: ELECTRONIC SCREAM!!!!
The Alosi Monster: Alosi! Alosi!
Berman Gigolo: Rumbling, Stumbling, Bumbling…
Colonpokey, The Flying Pig and Psychic GPS (together): Shut up Berman!
Colonpokey: What is he doing?
Psychic GPS: The Alosi Monster is kicking at the wheels of the vehicle.
The Flying Pig: What a moron. SNORT. WEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Psychic GPS: ELECTRONIC LAUGH. Put it in reverse Piggy.
The Flying Pig: good idea!
THE DELOREAN BACKS UP OVER THE ALOSI MONSTER’S FOOT.
The Alosi Monster: Alosi!
THE DELOREAN GO FORWARD AGAIN…OVER THE ALOSI MONSTER’S FOOT.
The Alosi Monster: Alosi! Alosi!
THE DELOREAN BACKS UP AGAIN OVER THE ALOSI MONSTER’S FOOT.
The Alosi Monster: Alosi! Alosi! Alosi!
AND FORWARD AGAIN
The Alosi Monster: Alosi! Alosi! Alosi! Alosi!
Berman Gigolo: Enough! I’m with leather!
The Flying Pig: It was a set up the whole time?
Berman Gigolo: Piggy, you and your Dolfans are going down!
The Alosi Monster: Alosi! Alosi!
The Flying Pig: Never!
THE DOOR OF THE DELOREAN POPS UP AND BERMAN GIGOLO IS THROWN OUT. BERMAN GIGOLO RUNS TO AID A CRYING ALOSI MONSTER.
Berman Gigolo: You have not seen the last of us Piggy!
THE DELOREAN DRIVES AWAY. COLONPOKEY IS MOONING THE ALOSI MONSTER AND BERMAN GIGOLO.
Psychic GPS: (Electronically as they drive away) Suck it bitches!
INSIDE THE DELOREAN
Colonpokey: Speed up Piggy. We don’t want them to catch up.
The Flying Pig: I’m going 85 miles per hour Colonpokey.
Psychic GPS: 86 miles per hour now.
Colonpokey: Faster Piggy!
Psychic GPS: 87 miles per hour now.
The Flying Pig: Do you guys remember that movie with Michael J. Fox?
Psychic GPS: 88 miles per hour.
THE DELOREAN VANISHES, INTO THE PAST, WHEN THE BILLS AND THE DOLPHINS WERE TWO OF THE TOP TEAMS IN THE AFC, THE EARLY 90’s.