PIGGY IS ROLLING AROUND IN THE MUD IN FRONT OF THE BARN. PSYCHIC GPS IS CALLING OUT TO HIM AND HOLDING AN ENVELOPE
The Flying Pig: Weeeeeeeeeeeeee
Psychic GPS: (calling to Piggy) Piggy…Piggy…
The Flying Pig: Weeeeeeeeee Leave me alone I am relaxing
Psychic GPS: Piggy, this letter it looks important…
The Flying Pig: I don’t care. It’s two months to the draft. I don’t want to think about anything. I just want to roll in the mud
Psychic GPS: But this letter…Its a Summons
The Flying Pig: Fuck jury duty….weeeeeeeeeee
Psychic GPS: No…its from some sort of counsel…it says “Pegasus”
The Flying Pig: (Piggy Suddenly stops) The Pegasus Counsel?
Psychic GPS: That’s it!
The Flying Pig: (standing up and grabbing the envelope) Oh no, what do they want?
Psychic GPS: who are they?
The Flying Pig: (opening up the envelope) They are a freaking miserable bureaucracy…for winged creatures. They are made up of three members. And the leader is that pretentious jerk Pegasus…um…they want to see me about something
Psychic GPS: Why do they want to see you?
The Flying Pig: I don’t know, but I better go. My wings are at stake! Come on GPS, get Wedge. Let’s go.
WEDGE WALKS OUT OF THE BARN. HE IS ON THE PHONE.
The Flying Pig: Let’s go Wedge. To the Pegasus Counsel
Wedge: Hold on I am leaving a message for Kekua…
The Flying Pig: Who?
Psychic GPS: (to Piggy) Kekua…eh…his new girlfriend
Wedge: (speaking in the phone) Hello, Kekua, I just wanted to say, I love you, call me back at my number 555-5555. Oh what am I doing, you know my number by now. (Wedge erases the message and tries again)
Psychic GPS: Come on Wedge…
Wedge: (speaking in the phone) Hello, Kekua, I miss you so much. Do you miss me? (Wedge stops and deletes the message again) Not confident enough…I’ll try again
(Wedge’s new girlfriend)
The Flying Pig: Just leave her a freaking message…
Wedge: Hello Kekua…I love you… (Wedge stops, shakes his head and deletes the message) No, not right…too needy…I’ll try again…
The Flying Pig: Dude, don’t over think it…
Wedge: You guys go without me. I’m going to wait for Kekua to call me back (sigh) I love her…
The Flying Pig: Suit yourself…(Piggy grabs GPS and flies up into the clouds)
Psychic GPS: Piggy, I can’t seem to find out how to get to the Pegasus Counsel
The Flying Pig: You won’t find their headquarters. It won’t show up on any map…
(The Pegasus Counsel Headquarters)
PIGGY LANDS IN A MARBLE PALACE. TWO ARMED PENGUINS GREET HIM.
Penguin #1: The Counsel is waiting for you Piggy
Penguin #2: Its best not to keep them waiting Piggy
Psychic GPS: The Penguins are the guards here?
Penguin #1: Hey, don’t judge…it’s a job
Penguin #2: Do you know how hard it is for a flightless bird to find employment around here. (hanging his head)
The Flying Pig: I’m ready to see the Counsel
Penguin #2: Through the door (pointing to a large marble door) You wait here (to GPS)
Psychic GPS: Can’t I go it?
Penguin #1: No. You can’t taint the Counsel Oratory with your wingless ways…
The Flying Pig: I will be all right GPS…They probably just want to give me an award for outstanding feathers or something…
PIGGY ENTERS THE ORATORY. THE ORATORY IS AN ENORMOUS MARBLE ROOM. THE CEILINGS ARE MORE THAN 50 FEET FROM THE GROUND. THERE IS A MARBLE TABLE ON ONE END OF THE ROOM. THREE MEMBERS OF THE COUNSEL SIT AT THE TABLE. ON THE FAR RIGHT IS A GRIFFIN, ON THE FAR LEFT IS A DRAGON AND IN THE MIDDLE IS PEGASUS, THE WINGED HORSE
Pegasus: Piggy…you could not have kept us waiting any longer…
The Flying Pig: Eh…I came as soon as I received your summons…
Pegasus: Did you? (laughing) Maybe the little fat pig is a little to heavy to for his wings…we expected you sooner
The Great Griffin: fat pig – hah hah
The Dragon: Pegasus, no need to drag this out. Well, let’s get on with it
Pegasus: Dragon…I am the Chairman of this Counsel. I will decide when we begin.
The Great Griffin: Yeah…begin…Yeah
(The Great Griffin)
Pegasus: Okay, then, let’s begin…
The Flying Pig: Um…why did you guys want to see me…
Pegasus: Silence Pig. The Counsel will ask you the questions!
The Great Griffin: Yeah, silence…duh…silence…(the Griffin drools on himself)
The Dragon: Piggy, is it true that you invaded FoxboroPalace?
The Flying Pig: Yeah…so what…those cheats had it coming…
The Flying Pig: Yeah…The Cheatriots…the scum of the Earth…the bastards of all sports…the bandits of the NFL…what difference does it make to the Counsel?
Pegasus: Piggy (Pegasus reaches below the table, brings out a New England Patriots cap and puts it on) You must be punished!
The Great Griffin: Yeah, punished (The Griffin puts a Buffalo Bills cap on)
The Dragon: Not so fast. (putting a NY Jests cap on) Let the pig speak…
The Flying Pig: Speak? What do I say? This is out of nowhere…
Pegasus: There are consequences for your reckless actions pig!
The Great Griffin: Yeah (clapping gleefully) consequences!
The Dragon: Pegasus…He didn’t even know why we brought him here until now
Pegasus: This fat pig doesn’t deserve his wings. He shames all of us.
The Great Griffin: Yeah (clapping) shame!
Pegasus: Shut up you stupid overgrown bird. You are not supposed to applaud shame…
The Dragon: Let the pig have time to compose himself…he deserves a fair hearing
Pegasus: Dragon, I remind you. I am the Chairman of this counsel. Do you have a pattern of stars named after you?…no! Has your team won the AFC East 9 times in the last 10 years?….no!
The Dragon: Forgive me Pegasus…Could it be that you are letting your personal feelings about the invasion of FoxboroPalace cloud your judgment…It seems a little unusual not to give the pig some time to defend his actions.
Pegasus: No! My judgment is not clouded. We will give the pig 10 minutes. Piggy, we will adjourn for 10 minutes. Go out in the hallway. When we return (laughing) you will be judged!
PIGGY WALKS OUT OF THE ORATORY AND INTO THE HALLWAY
Psychic GPS: Piggy…what is it? You look like a ghost?
The Flying Pig: (placing his trotters over his face) They are going to take my wings!
Psychic GPS: What?
The Flying Pig: It’s Pegasus… He is a fan of the Patriots…They are going to take my wings!
Psychic GPS: Come on. Let’s get out of here!
The Flying Pig: Its no use! They will find me!
THE DRAGON WALKS INTO THE HALLWAY
The Dragon: Piggy, can I have a moment of your time? Walk with me.
THE DRAGON TAKES PIGGY BY THE TROTTER AND LEADS HIM DOWN THE HALLWAY CORRIDOR. THERE ARE MARBLE STATUES THROUGHOUT THE CORRIDOR. THE FIRST STATUE IS OF PEGASUS, THE SECOND IS OF THE DRAGON, THE THIRD IS OF THE GREAT GRIFFIN, THE FOURTH IS OF LADY BRADY DRESSED IN YELLOW FLAGS, THE FIFTH IS OF THE COMMISSIONER AND DUKE KRAFT EXCHANGING MONEY, THE FINAL STATUE IS OF KING BELICHEAT HOLDING A VIDEO CAMERA
The Dragon: Piggy, we should be friends. We have a lot in common you know…
The Flying Pig: We do?
The Dragon: Yes Piggy. I admire what you did…The Cheatriots “had it coming” as you say…
The Flying Pig: Can you get me off the hook?
The Dragon: I’m afraid not Piggy. I’m only one member. Pegasus is the chairman of the Counsel and that stupid Griffin will do whatever he says.
The Flying Pig: How does he wield so much power? Its not fair!
The Dragon: Well, unless some one else wins the AFC East…he is the chairman and of course, the Counsel is named after him
The Flying Pig: Why is it named after him. Why not the Dragon Counsel or the Griffin Counsel?
The Dragon: Well Piggy…he intimidates us. His Patriots continue to win and the rest of the AFC East is mediocre at best…
The Flying Pig: But you are a great big Dragon…can’t you intimidate him?
The Dragon: No Piggy, unfortunately I represent my team, the Jests, and they are historically spineless.
The Flying Pig: Oh…
The Dragon: Eh let’s get back to the point. Point is he only has the power he has, because the Patriots keep winning the AFC East.
THE DRAGON AND PIGGY WALK THE FULL CIRCLE OF THE HALLWAY CORRIDOR. AT THE DOOR OF THE ORATORY PEGASUS IS WAITING
Pegasus: And what are you two speaking about?
The Dragon: Oh…nothing…
Pegasus: Hmmm…Piggy…walk with me (Pegasus extends his hoof to Piggy and takes him by the trotter. They walk down the corridor together)
The Flying Pig: I didn’t now you were a Patriots fan
Pegasus: I am more than just a fan. I am their representative on the Counsel. Just as the Dragon is to the Jests and the Griffin to the Bills and you Piggy, to the Dolphins
The Flying Pig: Can I please keep my wings
Pegasus: (laughing) Look Piggy, not all animals were meant to have wings. What were you and the Dragon talking about anyway? Was he plotting against me?
The Flying Pig: Plotting…I don’t think so…
Pegasus: Because if he was, well…well…well…it doesn’t matter. These are not matters to discuss with a pig.
(Piggy may be in over his head)
AGAIN PIGGY CIRCLES THE CORRIDOR. THIS TIME THE GREAT GRIFFIN IS WAITING AT THE DOOR TO THE ORATORY
The Great Griffin: Piggy, walk with me (the Griffin’s claw grab’s Piggy’s trotter and they begin to walk the hallway corridor together)
The Flying Pig: Um….what do you want?
The Great Griffin: Duh….Dyuh…gibberish…um….Duh…Dyuh….Bills
The Flying Pig: What?
The Great Griffin: Ughh…um…gibberish…guh…ughhh…Buffalo
The Flying Pig: What the heck are you saying?
The Great Griffin: muh…um…gibberish…ump…um…Bills
PIGGY AND THE GRIFFIN ARRIVE BACK AT THE DOOR TO THE ORATORY
The Dragon: Piggy…walk with me
The Flying Pig: Again? For a Counsel of winged animals you guys like to walk a lot? What the heck was that Griffin saying?
The Dragon: Oh him? Don’t mind him. Since the Bills lost 4 straight Super Bowls he has been half brain dead…Its the only way a Bills fans can get by these days
The Flying Pig: Look Dragon. I have to keep my wings! Isn’t there something I can do
The Dragon: Well, there is a way…
The Flying Pig: What is it?
The Dragon: You have to challenge him! Challenge him to a wing off! If the Dolphins win the AFC East in 2013, you get a spot on the Counsel and he can’t touch your wings
The Flying Pig: That’s it!
THE DRAGON AND PIGGY WALK INTO THE ORATORY TOGETHER. THE DRAGON TAKES HIS SEAT ON THE COUNSEL
Pegasus: Are you ready to face the consequences of your crime Piggy?
The Flying Pig: Are you ready?
Pegasus: Of course I am ready!
The Flying Pig: Are you ready for a wing off!
Pegasus: A wing off? Don’t be outrageous…The Dolphins cannot win the AFC East!
The Dragon: Pegasus, you know the code.
Pegasus: (sigh) very well. If the Pig challenges my Patriots he will lose…(laughing) he is just delaying the inevitable.
The Flying Pig: If the Dolphins win the AFC East I get to keep my wings then?
Pegasus: Yes! And if they don’t win I we take your wings and your…(Pegasus smiles and looks down at Piggy’s groin)
THE DRAGON LAUGHS OUT LOUD
The Flying Pig: My bojangles! …wait a second…isn’t there something else we can bet on…how bout the Miami Heat?
Pegasus: No Piggy, the NBA is not within our jurisdiction. We are strictly NFL. And you made your wager. Now we are adjourned for the day.
PIGGY AND PSYCHIC GPS FLY BACK TO THE BARN. WEDGE IS STILL ON THE PHONE
Wedge: (into the phone) Smooches Kekua. (deleting his message) no too corny…I will try again. (to Piggy and GPS) Hey guys. How did it go? Why is Piggy crying?
The Flying Pig: Its over for me! I’m going to lose my wings and my…my…my…(piggy faints)
Psychic GPS: it didn’t go very well. They are pretty upset at Piggy for raiding FoxboroPalace. Piggy bet his wings and bojangles that the Dolphins would win the AFC East
Wedge: What? Why would he do that?
Psychic GPS: I guess he felt he had to
Wedge: Betting on the Dolphins? Are you kidding me? The Cheatriots have been the bandits of the NFL for years. They steal from every one else in the AFC East. There is no hope
Psychic GPS: I know…
Wedge: I mean unless we can find some way to stop the bandits…maybe there is some one who can help…
Psychic GPS: That’s it Wedge! There is some one. There are seven actually!
Wedge: Seven…what are you talking about?
Psychic GPS: I am talking about the Seven Samurai!
LIGHTING STRIKES THE GROUND BEHIND PSYCHIC GPS AND WEDGE
The Flying Pig: (getting up off the ground) The Samurai are coming!
To be Continued…
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