PIGGY WIPES SWEAT FROM HIS BROW AFTER FINISHING UP REPAIRS ON THE BARN. PSYCHIC GPS RUNS INTO THE ROOM

Psychic GPS: Piggy (yelling his name and running into the room) Someone is knocking on the front door. Some one….or (whispering) something…

PIGGY WALKS IN THE DIRECTION GPS POINTS INTO THE OTHER ROOM WHERE HE CAN HEAR LOUD KNOCKING AT THE FRONT DOOR. WEDGE HAS TURNED WHITE IN SHOCK, MUSTACHIO NODS HIS RAZOR HEAD NO AND LOOKS AT PIGGY. THE LITTLE PRAWN POINTS AT THE DOOR BUT STANDS BACK CAUTIOUSLY.

Mustachio: Affanculo Piggy!

The Little Prawn: “….” (pointing)

The Flying Pig: What? Why do you guys look scared? It’s probably just some kid selling chocolate

PIGGY RECKLESSLY OPENS THE DOOR. ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE OPEN DOOR, BIONIC COLONPOKEY IS STANDING AND STARING AT PIGGY

The Flying Pig: (without looking at who is at the door) Get out of here you little brats, no one wants your choco…(Suddenly Shocked) Oh My God! Colonpokey

Wedge: Piggy…Maybe you should step away from the door…

Bionic Colonpokey: Beep Beep. Butts! Beep Beep

The Flying Pig: Colonpokey…You are alive??? What has happened to you?

Psychic GPS: (placing his hand cautiously on Piggy’s shoulder) He is…half hamster…half machine now…

Bionic Colonpokey: Beep Beep. Butts! Beep Beep

BIONIC COLONPOKEY SLOWLY LIFTS HIS HAND AND POINTS ONE FINGER. HE SLOWS MOVES HIS HAND POINTING AT EACH OF THE FIVE CHARACTERS INT HE BARN. HE TILTS HIS HEAD TO THE SIDE AND A FAX MACHINE SOUND IS HEARD EMINATING FROM HIS BODY

Wedge: What is he doing?

Psychic GPS: It looks like he is processing data…

Bionic Colonpokey: Beep Beep…Butts. (Bionic Colonpokey’s red eye lights up)

BIONIC COLONPOKEY SUDDENLY JUMPS FORWARD FLYING AT PIGGY

Bionic Colonpokey: (flying at Piggy) Beep Beep Butts!

The Flying Piggy: (ducking to avoid Colonpokey who flies over his head) Lookout!

BIONIC COLONPOKEY LAND ON MUSTACHIO AND GRABS HIM BUT HE SHAKES LOOSE.

Mustachio: (running) No! Only for Mrs. Mustachio!

Bionic Colonpokey: Beep Beep Butts! (Lookin at the Little Prawn)

The Little Prawn: “….” (leaping up and avoiding Bionic Colonpokey)

BIONIC COLONPOKEY TURNS TO WEDGE

Wedge: Oh no….not me…

WEDGE SITS DOWN ON THE COUCH TO COVER HIS BUTT. PIGGY, GPS, THE LITTLE PRAWN AND MUSTACHIO JOIN HIM SO THAT THEY ARE ALL COVERING THEIR BUTTS

Bionic Colonpokey: Beep Beep Butts!

BIONIC COLONPOKEY LIFTS THE COUCH UP WITH ONE HAND. THE MIXER OVER THE OTHER HAND IS SPINNING FAST. COLONPOKEY SHAKES THE COUCH AND PIGGY, WEDGE, GPS, MUSTACHIO AND THE LITTLE PRAWN ALL FALL OFF THE COUCH

The Flying Pig: SQUEEEAAAAAL!!!!

PIGGY, WEDGE, GPS, MUSTACHIO AND THE LITTLE PRAWN ALL RUN INTO THE BATHROOM AND SHUT THE DOOR

Mustachio: We are safe, no?

The Little Prawn: “……..”

A SMALL LASER SHOOTS FROM BIONIC COLONPOKEY’S EYE AROUND THE DOOR KNOB. COLONPOKEY REMOVES THE DOOR KNOB AND OPENS THE DOOR

Psychic GPS: Electronic Scream!

Bionic Colonpokey: Beep Beep! Butts!

Wedge: Okay Okay (surrendering and bending over) but before you start…can I make one request…Can you quote one of John Travolta’s lines from Staying Alive…something about not messing up my hair…

The Flying Pig: Hmmmm?

Psychic GPS: Electronically questioning Wedge’s sexually

BIONIC COLONPOKEY MOVES TOWARDS WEDGE, BUT SUDDENLY THE DOOR TO THE BAR OPENS AND A BRIGHT LIGHT BLINDS EVERYONE IN THE BARN. THE SEVEN SAMURAI ALL WALK INTO THE BARN

Mustachio: Oh Mio Dio! (Mustachio faints)

The Little Prawn: (in a loud booming voice) It’s the SEVEN SAMURAI!

TAVON AUSTIN HOLD UPS A PICTURE OF MARC SANCHEZ WHICH SUDDENLY PACIFIES BIONIC COLONPOKEY. ROBERT WOODS PUTS A HAMSTER CAGE ON THE GROUND AND OPENS THE DOOR.

Justin Hunter: Come on little guy (leading Bionic Colonpokey into the cage)

BIONIC COLONPOKEY GOES INTO THE CAGE AND JUMPS ON THE HAMSTER WHEEL IN THE CAGE. HE RUNS SO FAST ON THE WHEEL THAT SMOKE COMES OFF THE WHEEL.

The Flying Pig: Oh Great Samurai! (Piggy Bows) Thank you from saving us from Bionic Colonpokey, a rodent here for only one purpose…to ravage our butts

TERRANCE WILLIAMS HANDS THE CAGE WITH BIONIC COLONPOKEY OVER TO PIGGY

Keenan Allen: Let this be a lesson to you Piggy

CORDARELLE PATTERSON HANDS PIGGY’S KATAN, THE HAM SLICER, TO PIGGY

The Flying Pig: A lesson?

DeAndre Hopkins: A true Samurai does not fight the wind Piggy, A true Samurai IS the wind!

The Flying Pig: What do you mean?

THE SEVEN SAMURAI DO NOT ANSWER PIGGY. THEY WALK OUT OF THE BARN AND FLOAT AWAY

The Flying Pig: What did they mean…Is the wind? How can you be the wind?

Psychic GPS: I think he means the draft Piggy?

The Flying Pig: What?

Psychic GPS: The draft? Its next week! We added Wallace and Gibson in the draft.

The Flying Pig: Yeah so? Now we can add a Samurai!

Psychic GPS: No Piggy! There are many ways we can help this team. We can draft different wide receivers like Steadman Bailey, Quinton Patton, Marcus Wheaton, Kenny Stills, Aaron Dobson or even Ryan Swope

The Flying Pig: (gritting his teeth) Those aren’t Samurai and that is just Stupid!

PIGGY POWERS DOWN PSYCHIC GPS

Wedge: Piggy. Keep an open mind…Even outside of receiver there are players like Jon Cooper, Chance Warmack or Lane Johnson. All those offensive lineman may be available at 12.

The Flying Pig: You are talking crazy….OL!

Wedge: Or how bout defense? What if Star Lotulelei falls to the Dolphins or a pass rusher like Ezekial Ansah. What about a cornerback like Dee Milliner, Desmond Trufant or Xavier Rhodes? There are so many good players…good players that are not Samurai

The Flying Pig: But can they help us defeat the thieving Cheatriots and save my bojangles?

Psychic GPS: (powering himself up) Yes Piggy. They can

The Flying Pig: Well…I guess I can keep an open mind about the draft…but what do I do with this hamster?

THE END